Thursday, October 02, 2008

The title of this post is: But will he be a dick?

I felt like having a title.

Because I am in need of distraction right now, I'm letting my Jdate screening process lapse a little. It's not like I'll go out with anyone, but if a guy rushes to ask me out after only a couple emails and no phone call, eh, I'll take it. And so we get Maybe Dick. I like how it sounds like Moby Dick, which makes me feel half-way clever.

Maybe Dick has an adorable dog (visible in pic) and a sweet smile. Annnnd that's about what I like about him right now. We will likely get together soon, but part of the planning process has given me pause. For one, he initially asked if I wanted to walk around the city for our date, dog in tow. I wrote back--Sure, but that'll mean I'll wear flats instead of my usual date heels. He protested: Oh, but I love heels! Let's do something else.

So wait. Maybe Dick expected me to walk all over town with his dog in uncomfortable shoes? Strike One.

Maybe Dick implied that he likes when women dress up a bit. He then gently balked when I suggested an upscale--not too pricey or exclusive, mind you, just not a pub--location. He said he'd been really busy that week and out a lot, and he just wanted to relax.

Soooooo wait again. He wants to relax, but he wants me to get all dolled up while he's relaxing? Strike Two. I very nearly wrote that to him: So you want to relax but not enough for me to be able to relax as well?

Yeah, sounds like a dick, no? Also I know he's very into my pictures more than anything else, probably because he's mentioned them more than once.

So why am I going out with him?

There you go. I need the distraction. I need to be out of my house and preoccupied away from my own thoughts. And if that means collecting a story about a guy who turns out to be a dick so I can blog about it? Then I guess that's what I'm doing.

But then maybe he'll surprise me...

--Cute Jewess

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

I haven't been writing because I haven't been doing so good. And I've been trying to find any distraction I can from thinking about how I'm not doing so good. Things with Surprise! got very close and intense very fast, and he was a dream. An absolute joy that made me happier than I've been in years. And then at the first sign that not every single moment was going to be all fantasy and perfection, he bailed. There's nothing I can do; he is gone. Even though the way things ended did indeed make me realize he wasn't as amazing as he seemed, it doesn't matter. He still broke my heart into tiny, sharp pieces, and they still sting. But I have tried to talk and think about him as little as possible.

Fratty, from a few weeks back? He continued to text for a while, and then he asked me out again. After things fizzled with Surprise!, I accepted. We had a great time. I like him, but I don't think we're a match for anything long-term or serious. However, as happens so often, he is now cooling and no longer responding if I text him. Great. If he vanishes, I won't mourn the loss of him so much as I will the loss of the distraction. We had fun. These days I need whatever fun I can get.

It's not just dudes. It's everything. Career, life, everything is going south. It's been very tough to take. I broke down and went to my parents' house, cried to them, told him how unhappy I've been recently. They assured me that they think I can do anything. That I will pull through. That things will be okay.

But for right now, it's just very, very hard.