Friday, November 23, 2007

Mr. X is temporarily without easy internet access, I think, but he texted me again. Hmmm. He keeps texting me. I have a feeling he'd like to hang out again, but he's not making any kind of move. Aaaaaannnnnndddddd now that I think about it, I have a wee feeling I've been expecting him to read my mind.

Duh, dudes. Obviously you're supposed to be reading our minds and catering to our every whim on a regular basis. It's so easy!

Yeahhh, see, after our first date-not-date, once I was reassured by Good Friend that she was cool with whatever might happen with X, I remember I emailed X that we should hang out again. I was still feeling iffy, though. I'm not sure why--so I remember emailing something along the lines of "We'll just hang out and see what happens, no pressure."

No pressure.

So, um, I specifically asked X not to pressure me. Of course, that little bit escaped my mind--or rather, took a back seat to my later wish for him to just ask me out on a real date already. Methinks I might have to do some nudging. Knowing me, I'd just say "So, wanna ask me out to dinner?"

But then, that's probably better than wearing a sign saying "Now accepting moderate amounts of pressure."

By the way, as for Thanksgiving?
I. Am. Still. Full.

Also, I got this fortune cookie recently and it made me smile, so I will now share:
"Lucky you. Get out your party clothes. The clean ones."

Thus ends Random Blog Moment of the Day,
brought to you by this smiley.

--Cute Jewess

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Let's see. What to report? These will be busy weeks for CJ coming up, so I'm not sure just how much social/hang-out time I'll get. But, well, it always sneaks in there, doesn't it?

I'm not sure what's going on with Mr. X. At this point, I'd like him to just ask me out on a date. He texted me this weekend, but nothing much came of it. It's possible I gave him the impression that I wouldn't date him--because of Good Friend. I'm not stressed about it--just bored, I think, and ready for some juice to blog about :-)

Ah, but there is one thing! I had to look back to see what nickname I gave him--approrpiately, it was Halloween Boy. HB emailed me back recently, weeks after I emailed him--just chatty, nothing to be terribly excited about. But oh, do I think he's cute. I'm wondering how to finagle a meeting with him. Loverville and I were considering planning an "Everyone We Know" happy hour--might be something fun for the new year.

In the meantime, however...
Have a great Thanksgiving!!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

I just emailed this to LV, and I think it encompasses some of what I'm feeling right now:
"I have to find that perfect [CJ] zone between being nervous/uptight and a bit too tipsy. Basically, the me you know :-)"

Ex-Who-Needs-New-Name....hmmm, what about just X? Kind of mysterious, that. Or Mr. X? X-Man? Anyway, X has definitely cooled off his pursuit. But that's okay for now. It's funny--when he was texting me up the wazoo I remember thinking (gently) "Okay, enough for now!" Ha, and when I didn't text him back once--only because I thought our correspondence had reached its natural end--he texted me back a few minutes later, "Where'd you go?" So maybe it's a good thing that he's cooled off a bit.

I do think we'll hang out again next week or the week after. I've got to work on not being nervous--which sometimes makes me seem more uptight than I am--and yet also not falling into the easy let's-just-drink-more trap. Although, some drinking will be fine, thanks.

But apart from that, what do I feel about him? Truth be told, I still don't know. All I know is that I'd be interested in getting to know him better. Something about him makes me feel somewhat uncomfortable. Not when I'm with him--but afterwards, when I think about him. I'm not sure what it is--more research will be needed. Talking to Shrink about it wouldn't hurt. I've been seeing him less often lately, but he still has the dandiest advice.

I am so psyched for this weekend. I'm getting to see a friend I rarely get to see, but whom I just love. I'll call her Creative. She's one of the most creatively talented people I know and just an all around cool, great chick. She's having a huge party, involving themes and dressing up and makeup. Fun, fun, fun.

--Cute Jewess

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

It's been forever since I've posted twice in one day! But I'm feeling the need for the kind of support I get from writing schtuff down.

The commenters from last post were right, and I know it--but it's still so hard to resist getting in touch! So here I am resolving to let Ex (hmmm, he's gonna need a new name...) get in touch first next time around. He did email back, and he expressed interest in hanging out in the future, but no plans were made.

I've got to let him make the next move to make plans.

No texting! No emailing! Peoplies, write me every day--hell, every hour--here if you want to remind me.

In any case, I've got a full weekend coming up, so homey would've had to wait until next week to hang out again anyway.

--Cute Jewess
Oh for fuck's sake. Why can't anything just be easy?

Ok, I'll spare you the details and email quotes from my talk with Good Friend and paraphrase. She has assured me about a million times that she would be okay with me dating Ex. Not only okay, but that she'd be happy that two of her "amazing," "smart," "witty" friends found the same in someone else. How sweet is that? It really warmed my heart, and made me feel so much better about the whole situation. After her millionth assurance, I said I'd shut up about it now, and that I'd leave it in her court to ever mention if she feels uncomfortable about it in any way.

So, easy, you think. Right?

Ex and I started emailing and texting on a regular basis. Adorable things from him, all flirty and sweet. I was probably less flirty, more reserved--but I felt I'd need to see him again to figure out how I feel. I'd need to see for one thing if I were still attracted to him when sober. But more, I'd have to see him without the mental/emotional block in place. I was so intent on not looking at him as a possible romantic interest before, that I'd need to be around him again while thinking it's a possibility to know how I felt.

But in the meantime: Text, text, text. Email, email, email. Whatever I sent, he zoomed right back.

Then I saw him again.
And I like him.

Don't get me wrong, we have differences. He's adventurous, spontaneous, open to anything. I'm...not so much. I know, I know. I can be a bit tightly wound--most often around someone I don't feel completely comfortable with. And when you're realizing you like a guy? It's hard to feel comfortable around him--at least for me. So on our second "hang-out" that could've been a date, but maybe was or wasn't a date--I have a feeling I came across as pretty darn repressed.

But still. We ended the evening with a goodnight kiss--longer than the "two-point-five" seconds he said I had allowed him before. I texted him after I got home. (On our first "hang-out" he had been the one to text afterwards--a sweet message I've still got saved.)

He texted back the next morning. It was...fine. I mean, I think it was fine. Just not as effusive as before. Then I emailed. I asked if he wanted to hang out again. He hasn't written back yet.

This was a dude who was writing me back 5 minutes after I emailed him before. Now it's been a couple hours. If I had to guess--I would honestly think he wants to be my friend right now. Just as I've decided I'd like to see if we're compatible as something more.

So, you see? For fuck's sake.
--Cute Jewess

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Part Two.
I got to our designated meeting place on time, and Ex was already there. He rushed to help me take off my coat and instantly offered to buy me a drink. My eyes probably went a bit wide, and I'm guessing I went into emotional pull-back mode. This did not feel like a friendly hang-out. But I remembered what Good Friend had told me. That women can think he's interested in them when he's just being his "usual, charming self." But he kept complimenting me. Little things, but I don't know--I just got the sense that he was thinking this might be a date, or perhaps lead to one in the future.

I honestly can't quite remember what I was thinking at the time. Mostly, what was going through my head was, "Don't think of this guy as a dude. Think of him as Good Friend's Ex." I probably seemed somewhat uncomfortable. But then, I was. So I figured we'd go to a spot that's one of my "regulars" where I knew people, and where I felt sure we'd have an easier time just "hanging out."

That's when I had too much to drink. I hadn't planned on it, but I realize now I probably hadn't eaten enough beforehand. Then Ex kept ordering another round when I would have been ready to stop drinking. As will happen with the booziness, I loosened up. Ex sensed this, I'm sure. He asked me about our "date that's maybe not a date but maybe is a date." I hung my head, avoided looking him in the eye, and told him it wasn't a date, just hanging out. It couldn't be a date, because he was my Good Friend's Ex.

Ex protested that he and Good Friend had been "just friends" for a very long time. But I still hedged, and he relented. "Ok, we can just hang out," he said. "Are you having a good time?" I said that I was. "That's all that counts," he said.

But the hours kept on passing. Yes, hours. The date-not-date would last six and a half hours in total. At some point, he started telling me that I was "sexy." And meanwhile, I had learned that the guy is just a sweetheart. Kind, smart, passionate about what he does. If we had been on a date, it would have been a pretty fun date.

But when, at the bar, he kissed me, I pulled back. My head was fuzzy enough that I wanted to kiss him back, but not so fuzzy that I was ready to jeopardize a friendship over it.

He walked me home. And he kissed me again. And for a minute, I kissed back.

Then I pulled away, shoved the key in my lock, and yelled "Bad!" at him. I quickly forced the door shut behind me.

Minutes later, Ex texted me a very sweet goodnight, and said he looked forward to seeing me again.

I didn't text back.

Stay tuned for Part 3, in which I tell Good Friend everything the next day!

--Cute Jewess

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Oh, I've got a story for you! The kind you'll like, I think, and I have a feeling you'll all have opinions on it that you'll want to share. And, as usual, I'll ignore or bite back at the bitchy comments... ;-) But it's long, so we'll do it in 2 parts.

Sometime not long ago, Good Friend Whose Identity I Will Not Reveal had a lovely get-together for some of her closest friends. What a fun night! With food, much wine, and excellent company. At this party was Good Friend's Boyfriend. Also present was an ex of hers, who has continued to be a friend these past 10 years since they ended things. But whom I still knew as "her ex."

At some point, Good Friend's Ex and I started chatting. We found we had similar tastes and hobbies in common, and when I told him I was shy, he wouldn't believe me. "You're so dynamic," he said. By the end of our conversation, he had told me in a roundabout way that he thought I was cute, and in a very direct way (more than once) that he thought I was cool. I left the party thinking--hang on a sec. Good Friend's Ex was totally just flirting with me. Weird. But before I realized that, I had agreed to get in touch with Ex to hang out--since we enjoy certain of the same activities. I wouldn't have thought of it as a date at all--and in fact, I was already planning to invite others along--as I'd told Ex I would.

Now, I know you will feel me on this. How horrible--painful, sticky, downright torturous--can it be when a dude gets in between a close friendship? Having that happen was the farthest thing from my mind. I emailed Good Friend the next day: I got the sense that [Ex] might have been digging me a bit. That felt kinda weird--he's your ex-boyfriend. [I said I'd invite him to hang out.] But would that be considered a "date" thing? I'd be asking as a "friend" thing.

You might be thinking--did I think Ex was cute? Yeah, I did, but honestly (I swear!) the idea of him being any kind of option romantically was so far from my mind that I didn't even wonder if I would be interested in him. So I felt toward him pretty neutral--he was Dude Switzerland.

Good Friend emailed back that Ex had been her friend way longer than he was her boyfriend, that she didn't imagine them getting back together, and that she didn't "think" she'd have a problem with us dating. STILL. Not "thinking" it'll be a problem isn't good enough when you love your friend. And STILL I just wasn't thinking about him that way, because of their history.

Some days later, I figured I'd get in touch with Ex to hang out, so Good Friend and I emailed about him again. She said, and I'll paraphrase, that Ex tends to seem flirty when he's just being friendly. He's naturally charming. He has lots of female friends. I got the sense she was telling me that perhaps I misinterpreted his intentions. That he wouldn't think it was a "date" if I asked him to hang out. So I made plans with Ex. I invited Good Friend, but she couldn't come. I invited another friend, but she couldn't come. So it would just be us two. Hanging out. As friends.

When I got back from my hanging out with Ex, I emailed Good Friend straight away: "yeahhhhhh, that was completely not meant to be platonic tonight. i am completely confused and at sea and just want to do what's best for you."

Stay tuned for Part 2!!
--Cute Jewess

Sunday, November 04, 2007

I should dread my dates more often. Saturday night's meeting with Bad Phone earned him the nickname Not Bad. If anything, he just seems rather lonely, and eager to find that special someone. But he seems sweet, funny, and decent--which are pretty much my criteria for a second date. Are there sparks flying all over the place? No. But he seemed interested and asked if he could call me. I said yes. So we'll see about that!

As to my Friday night revelry with Sporty? Ha. I saw this dude who looked just like this Jdate profile picture. But, then, that happens. And you look twice, and you're like--nah, not him. This guy was definitely him. My back was turned to him most of the night, but Sporty said he kept on staring. She kept saying I should go talk to him. I think I emailed him not too long ago, and he never responded. Eh, if he's interested, he can email me. I wasn't that into him.

Our local hangout was filled to the gills with cute boys, none of whom came to talk to us. I wasn't feeling particularly outgoing that night, and neither was she. So we stuck mostly to ourselves. But we spit-handshake-vowed to be more flirty next time. I'll say, my local has some attractive guys in it on Friday and Saturday nights.

Okay, off to get crap done on this rather nice-weather Sunday afternoon!
--Cute Jewess

Friday, November 02, 2007

I'll admit, I'm kinda dreading my date with Bad Phone. What should I do if I want to get out of the date quickly? Jdate advises me to shrink in size, grow old, and talk in a German accent.

Okay, not really. But I got a kick out of this email they sent me. Oh, Dr. Ruth, what sage advice do you have for a cute little NYC singleton?

Never fear. If my date's a total bust, I anticipate a fun, boozy night this weekend with Sporty. She's a firecracker, that one.
--Cute Jewess

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Next year I'm vowing to get that cute as anything Halloween costume I coveted for this year. I've got the web page with it bookmarked, and when it's back in stock (they sold out!) I'm going to indulge.

This year I wound up downtown with Best Friend, and we spoke to several guys, none of whom were particularly exciting in the end. But we looked adorable (her boobies were very perky) and I enjoyed the venue. There's other stuff I could tell you, but I haven't finished processing it yet in my own head, and I think I will need to test the waters more before I report back. Perhaps this weekend, when Sporty and I will next be out on the town, I'll be able to give a meatier synopsis. It's's possible I might work on looking a bit more sexy. I might do up the eyes a bit more. Might check the wardrobe to see if I have something more alluring than my usual "cute" outfits. Nothing too overt. But mixing it up.

Also in the works for this weekend? Oy. I think I messed up again on the Jdate front. I made plans with a dude before talking to him on the phone. (I know, I know.) He seemed decent on email--we did the funny banter. Yeahhhhh then we spoke on the phone. I think he's a bit of a downer. Already I don't think we're a match, but ya know what? I'll keep the dating wheels greased and keep up the practice. I'll know not to expect much, which--I mean--I knew already. But now I really know. I received two calls this week, too, from Jdate dudes I gave my number to a couple weeks ago. Thank God I didn't pick up either of the calls because I had no idea who they were. A quick check of the email archives led to a couple "Oh, that guy" moments. I think I'll call one of them back, but honestly, they're both pretty eh.

I have a feeling I'll be taking a break from the Jdate when my membership expires. At least a couple weeks, maybe more. Gotta wait for some new profiles to pop up that aren't...dregs.

(And no, I'm not feeling particularly pessimistic about it right now, Debbie Downers of the world.)
--Cute Jewess