Friday, May 16, 2008

First--you got it, I'm still asking you to hold your tongues--things may not be over with OS. He said he'd call me to hang out. Let's see if he does. I'm more aware of his flaws now, and I'm further removed from those giddy first couple weeks, so I'm going to see how it feels to date him non-exclusively. If he actually calls, that is.

One or Other? Well, he wasn't as dashing as his best pic--which I expected. But he was also cuter than his worst pics. And so I will call him Between :-) 'Tween and I actually had a very nice date. He told me I looked better in person--definitely a confidence booster--and he seemed to greatly enjoy my company. He's a charming guy, and although he knows it, I think he might also be a decent guy. We had a nice kiss goodnight, he asked if I'd like to go on a second date, and I said I would.

I was feeling nice and even-keeled about him. I wasn't dying for the 2nd date, but it was something to look forward to.

But then he didn't call!

It's only been a few days, but usually the ones who want the 2nd date get in touch a day or two later. I still think he'll call, but--sneaky dude--the fact that he hasn't has me thinking more about him.

So to be continued on the Between front!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

I haven't written lately for a couple reasons.
1) The more something bothers me, the less I tend to talk about it. Not such a good thing, because talking about it usually helps. But it's that initial pain of scratching the wound that I'm really, really bad at. I am Avoidance personified. Cute Annoyance, of course.

2) I'm in one of those spots where I don't want advice. I can't explain why--the instinct isn't coming from my rational self--but when I'm in this stage of not wanting advice, any time I read a comment from someone who thinks they know all the answers or a "Sorry to say this but you need to know" or whatever else comes from good intentions but sounds very know-it-all and, in truth, obnoxious, it makes me angry. Angry isn't fun. So keep your advice to yourself, please, no matter how right you think you are (especially considering how right you think you are), or whatever your intentions may be. And for those who say: Comments shouldn't get to you. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. Depends on the subject and my mood. What should or shouldn't be is rarely what is.

I did meet with Former Shrink one time to talk about Original Sporty. And I think it helped--he opened my eyes to some facts I really knew but hadn't been able to articulate. Such as that OS is very immature, in his actions and the way he deals with his emotions. He's faulted in ways I had chosen to ignore in favor of the really good parts. I am more aware of these flaws now.

Where I left things with OS was this: We said we'd talk things over. I told him I had a feeling I knew what he was going to say--that he didn't think we were compatible in the long-term. I told him I could be up for something more casual, not exclusive. He said that sounded like an interesting proposition, and we'd discuss things.

We never did.

In the way I go about things, I proceeded to stop talking about him. I pushed him out of my mind. Forcefully. He was something painful. And I am Cute Avoidance.

But as is the case with painful things, the unresolved nature of the way we left things--unresolved to me, at least--has kept me from moving on. So I figured, I will write him an email. I'll tell him what I'm thinking. And we'll see how he responds.

I didn't write the email.

For days, I just didn't feel like it. I asked myself why. Was it because if I didn't hear him say "No, I don't want to see you at all anymore," then the possibility of seeing him again existed somewhere in the ether?

Or was it what the Shrink thought? I told him I was scared of writing the email. He asked why. I didn't know. He says: This guy hurt you. He made everything seem like paradise, courted you and wooed you hardcore, and then turned in an instant into something different. What if he says yes? What if he says, yes, let's date casually, while we see other people. But then he creates this wonderful world for you again? Then he can hurt you again.

I found myself in a spot where I was damned if I did, damned if I didn't. If I didn't write the email, I know I'd always think of him as a possibility, no matter what the reality of the situation was. If I did write the email, I might be opening myself up for nothing but more hurt in the future.

I finally wrote the email.

I'm waiting to hear his response.

But in the meantime, I have several Jsuitors. Never fear, I am keeping busy. Tonight I have a date with One or Other. I'm calling him One or Other because of his 4 pics, a couple are just fine, one is reallly good, and one is not so good. So which will he look more like? One or the other?

To be continued, my friends.

Remember--you may be dying to write me your opinoin on the whole Original Sporty situation, in comments or email. I would greatly prefer if you didn't.

--Cute Jewess

Friday, May 02, 2008

Let's put OS on the table for now, and I'll let you know when and if there are developments.

In the meantime, though, I am keeping busy. With things besides dating, of course, but also with tidbits I can share here.

I met Hair. Oh, Hair. Update your pictures, please. I'm guessing they're at least 5 years old, if not more, and about 20 lbs ago. Besides that, I would not have recognized him. We had a pleasant enough date, and he's successful, with an interesting-to-discuss job, and I enjoyed myself just fine. But when he called the next day to leave a message asking for a 2nd date, I let him know that I just didn't feel the chemistry. I considered going out with him again--since he seems like a good guy--but I decided that I wouldn't try to force it. This time, at least!

There's another dude on the radar, now. One whom I've been emailing with a lot in the past few days. We'll call him Edgy, because he has kind of a hot, bad boy vibe. (I am not looking for a "bad boy," so to speak, I mean this more aesthetically.) We have a lot in common, and so we will see if and when we meet up.

There have been a lot of questions in the comments section--not just recently, but throughout my blogging life--about "What am I looking for?" Well, in the long term, yes, I want to find someone whom I can settle down and created a life with. But in the meantime, I'm satisfied to see where "dating" takes me. I'm not a "just sex only" gal, but I'm also not averse to trying out something casual while at the same time continuing the search for something more lasting. So I'm keeping an open mind as much as possible, hoping to find out what works for me, and what situations I'm okay with, and what situations I'm not okay with.

Even as I hope to find that special someone, it's not like I'm going to be all "Oh my God, we've been dating for two months so now you're my boyyyyfriend." I've said it before: I'm a step-by-step kind of gal. So where I am is this step: Find someone I like to date.

Should we change the name of the blog to Find Cute Jewess A Dude She Likes Dating? :-)

--Cute Jewess