Thursday, May 31, 2007
Jdate just does not love it some Cute Jewess these past coupla weeks. I'm not ready yet to try out Match.com, but I would consider it in a couple more weeks, I think.
In the meantime, though, I've been invited to 2 parties in the next week that will be riddled with Real Live Guys. Often, I spend these kind of parties talking to people I know. I'm just not good at making the eye contact, and I do get shy. But once conversation is initiated, I think I'm okay. I will work on being more open. Also, on drinking.
I do owe Tall Dark a phone call. He called this week, and I'm willing to meet him and see what happens. But I'm not anticipating much spark. Then again, those are the dates that sometimes surprise you!
I've now gone on dates with 13 guys from Jdate. (Oh!! Of course! Eager Beaver was #13--no wonder the date sucked tushy.) Will Tall Dark be #14? Or will it be a Real Live Guy? Or...oy...will #14 remain weeks in the future?
If I ever complain again about juggling too many guys at once, just tell me to shut the hell up, mmkay?
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Update: After I wrote the above, I emailed another few guys. The three Maybes I mentioned all wrote back. So did one of the others I emailed--but it seems he's just interested in sex, if I'm reading between the lines correctly. Still, his profile photo is pretty darn cute. My responses, however, haven't been too suggestive. I predict he will not write back again. I think that's probably the best thing. I'm not against the idea of something purely physical, but to start off by throwing that out there on email? Not my style.
A friend has invited me to a party on Saturday night. Besides this friend--whom I very much enjoy hanging out with--there will be no one else I know there. On the one hand, this is one of those perfect opportunities to meet Real Live Guys. (Or potential gal pals, for that matter.) On the other hand, oy do I get shy when I'm around lots of new faces. But I think practice is the best way to overcome that. Practice and alcohol. I'll have to reach that perfect state of tipsy where I'm my usual bubbly self but not yet goofy and ridiculous. Hmmm. What to wear? The usual jeans/cute top route? Or will it be too hot and humid? Generally in summer my mini skirts come out. I could certainly use a new dress, too. I have this one sexy--but not too sexy--dark fitted dress. But will that be too dressy? Hmmm...might have to sneak in some shopping before the weekend.
I have spent a week and a half being horrible to my body--crappy-ass food and not enough gym (two of the classes I wanted to take were canceled, harrumph!). I'd better get back on track!!
Monday, May 28, 2007
On the Jdate homepage, before you login, there's a slideshow of pictures promising "The Chemistry," "The Relationships," "The Energy." You should be able to see it at www.Jdate.com.
But just for kicks, let's look at "The Energy" now:
Can't you just picture the captions? "Yeah!!" "You!" "Hooray!" "Whee!" Energy, indeed.
A lovely Memorial Day is planned with friends, beer, and outdoor activity.
What's that you say?
Yeah! You! Hooray! Whee!
Oh, I'm feeling the energy. Pure Energy. Now come on, folks.
I wanna know. What you're thinking. There are some things you can't hide. I wanna know. What you're feeling. Tell me what's on your mind! Pure Energy.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Today, however, Tall Dark arrived in my Jdate inbox promising to call soon and apologizing for not getting in touch sooner. And Newbie stopped by as well to respond to yesterday's email. I'm not ready to call the slump over, but at least someone threw me a bone to blog about!
Erm. That came out wrong.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Did you see the Lost finale last night? It was sooooo good, and the first time I thought that all season. I can't believe they're going to leave us hanging for new episodes until February! Cruel, Lost. Cruel indeed.
The dating slump continues. I emailed about 3 new guys on Jdate with no results. From one extreme to the other! But it's okay. Maybe this will push my ass to be less shy in person. I'm doing better!
Ooh. Just saw a cute newbie on the Jdate...will my luck turn? Eh, I'm not stressing about it...yet. Update: Yup, Newbie viewed my profile...with no response.
With their new album on the scene, Maroon 5 has been everywhere promoting the thing. I kinda like the new single. Also, I kinda like front man Adam Levine. He's that perfect kind of dorky-hot that's just my type.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
In the past few days, I've emailed 5 new guys on Jdate, they've viewed my profile, and they haven't responded. I'm still getting contacted regularly from guys, but not any I actually like. From feast to famine. For the first time in months...there's nobody!
Yes, that makes losing SS and BCD feel a bit worse. But all in all, I'm doing fine. Still sparkly and optimistic. Although we'll see what happens if this dry spell continues.
Boys are stupid!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Luckily, it's Shrink day. And yes, he made me feel better. All these guys not working out, I told him. Surely some of it has to be me? He dismissed that straight out with SS. He likes you, Shrink told me. He's just very troubled. With BCD? Shrink was as confused as I was. But I had told him that BCD and I were very different in many ways, we had different interests, and maybe even different goals. When all's said and done, we were probably not a perfect match. So why wouldn't BCD think this too, Shrink asked?
When Shrink tells me things, I listen. Even if it's the same stuff my friends tell me. Why? Maybe because I see him as an authority figure. Or an expert. Or because hey, I should get my money's worth. But whatever the reason, when he talks, I listen. And I'm glad I do.
Shrink thinks (hee, rhyme) that I tend to overlook or forgive the faults in others while being particularly hard on myself. That I think everything is my fault. That I should let more things roll off my shoulders. BCD doesn't want to see me anymore? While I'm saying--"What did I do?" Shrink's saying "Fuck 'im."
So here it starts. Project Roll Off My Shoulders. Shrink says I should think of this whole dating thing as an adventure. Have more fun with it. And so that's what I'm going to try to do.
When I get really upset, I can't eat. My stomach closes up. Today, I'm indulging in comfort food. Peanut Butter Tofutti Cuties, a Newman's Own chocolate bar (it was just eh), and my all time favorite frozen dinner. Oh, it's so yummy. California Pizza Kitchen BBQ Chicken frozen pizza.
So no, I'm not profoundly upset. Just a bump in the road. But man, can the road please have a destination somewhere?
So confused, disappointed, and frustrated.
That's where CJ is today.
Oh, alright. I have an inkling. If I had to guess, I'd say it's because I'm still not so comfortable with putting myself out there physically. It's possible I come across as prudish, which I'm not going to lie, I can be at the beginning of the dating process. But see, once I'm comfortable with a guy, well--it changes. I can become quite the saucy little minx. I know I'm worth the wait. But I should be working on my body language. I must find the happy medium between being "too out there" and too reserved physically. This is something I still must work on. Just when I think I'm getting better!
Monday, May 21, 2007
I'm feeling a bit...blah. Fed up, maybe. Not quite frustrated, certainly not defeated. Just not...as sparkly and optimistic as usual. I think I know why. It's because dating is hard. And uncontrollable. You can do everything "right" and still not get what you want. I'm used to working hard, doing something well, and getting rewarded for it. That's life. It's certainly not dating.
Here I am talking as if something's gone wrong. Nothing's gone wrong. As of right now, things are just fine. I'd like BCD to call, but I know from past experience that he waits a few days, and that he usually calls in the late evening. So I shouldn't be worried that I haven't heard from him today--especially since he's likely still working.
But I would like to know when I'm going to see him again. I'd like to know when he's going to call. It is absolutely reasonable that I know neither of these things--for, that's dating. But I'm having a moment of--yes, perhaps frustration is an okay word--that all these things are out of my control.
Then again, these were all things I knew with the FAF. During the early months of our relationship, when I wanted to talk to him, I called him. He'd be perfectly thrilled with that. When I wanted to hang out, we hung out. I had my control. But ultimately, I didn't have what I wanted.
So maybe it's a good thing that I'm being forced to play by a different set of rules. Maybe (hopefully?--ooh, is the optimism returning already?) this is exactly how it should be. With me waiting. And uncertain. But hopefully open to whatever path may choose me.
Because I can't do all the choosing. And, when all's said and done, I don't think I really want to.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
I don't have that giddy crush feeling with BCD. It's something calmer--a feeling of contentment, knowing he's around. Of course, we'll see if that changes once I see him with his shirt off ;-)
Our first date ended with BCD saying he'd call me. This one did not. However, I'm sure he had a good time. So let's see. Hopefully he'll call, and I'll see him again soon.
Of course, I'll letcha know when I do.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
But there were a couple who couldn't resist. And, as I foretold, reading their comments pissed me off. (They remain unpublished.)
I hate being pissed off. But I can't control what you write. I can only control what I write. Which means I may very well not write any more about SS, which is a shame indeed.
Just know that right now things are fine. We've got another plan to meet up. I'm satisfied with the situation.
What's most on my mind at this moment is that I'm fighting with my best friend, who for some reason seems determined to always think the worst of me lately. It's frustrating, and it feels unfair. In my head, I know many of her issues are just that--her issues. In my heart, though, I'm sad and angry about it.
So that's that.
Update: Best Friend called. I explained what made me upset. She listened and understood. Things are much, much better now, and I'm happy about that!
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Eager Beaver did not get the hint.
Reserved CJ was back in action last night, but only because I knew from the first second that I was not interested. I was nice, though--of course. And so it took 2 hours before I was able to extricate myself (and not that smoothly) from my meet-up with the Beav. When he ordered another drink, despite my abstaining, my heart rather fell. When he took forever to finish it? I started getting fidgety.
But the Beav wasn't a bad guy--just annoying, and much less cute than his pics. There's dorky-charming, and then there's dorky-unbearable. But at least I get to cross a name off the list. I hope he's perceptive enough to not give me a follow-up call. Since there was no talk of seeing each other again as we parted, I'm thinking I didn't give him false hope.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
That's my biggest battle right now. I want to get in touch with SS and see if he wants to do something this weekend. But it's only Tuesday. I will wait. I have all these lovely plans in my head of things I know we'd both like to do. That's one of the most fun parts of the early dating phase in NYC--making the effort to do those special outings in a city you so often take for granted. And I know of so many unusual, beautiful places to go and things to see. SS and I have already done one, and he loved it. Got 2 more outings in mind. Will we get to do them? In any case, they require weather that probably won't be around this weekend. It's supposed to be rather cool out.
Busy days ahead until the weekend. Dates. Parties. General social butterflyery. So I won't lack for entertainment. But...well...keep a good thought in your head for CJ. Hope with her that she gets to see SS this weekend. Maybe even dare to hope (unlikely as it may be) that he'll get in touch with her.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Okay, before you think I'm complaining, let me just stress: not complaining. But Loverville and I have been emailing of late about "juggling" guys. Her tried and true method has been to load 'em up, and I very much get that. More guys means less focusing on one in particular. It'd be a hell of a lot easier to get my mind off SS, probably, if there were a few other guys I was also interested in.
That said, I confess: Corresponding with too many guys at once makes me feel panicky. I'm not sure why. I just get this nervous tightness in my chest--and I feel rather overwhelmed. After all, for 5 years there was just ONE guy in my life--and that doesn't seem so far in the past.
Let's say I'm corresponding with/scheduling dates with 4 guys. That's about my comfort limit. I don't need the notebook to keep track of where I am in each conversation, or when the date is scheduled. Four guys at once? Do-able. Eight guys at once? Panicky.
Somehow, despite being somewhat careful to keep the number down, I got up to 8 guys at once. So, I guess, it's time for a Jupdate, no?
- SS: Need I elaborate? I like him lots.
- BCD: Will likely see Big Cute Dork this week, or at least try to.
- Eager Beaver: Also this week. Supposedly. (You know how these guys cancel! This one, however, I think will not.)
- Cute Doc: Despite never having similar schedules, we're still trying to work out a 2nd date.
- Hottie1: We'll see if he calls. If he doesn't? I haven't quite given up on him yet--I'd give him a final call someday, but I'm not rushing.
- Maybe Guy: We've been back-and-forth emailing for a while. Will I meet him? I don't know. Do I care? Not so much.
- Picky: This guy's new. He's one of those who describe themselves as "picky" in their profiles. As if, only the really great girls need apply, so beware if you're "just average." This generally ticks me off, so I'm on guard. But he's also really funny, so that's a big plus.
- Tall Dark: Also new. He seems like a good guy, if a tad goofy looking. But sometimes I like that, so we'll see.
Would I prefer having no guys to having a passel (and how cute is that word)? No, of course not. But I'd also just love to be able to see SS more often. To know he's thinking about me. To hear from him. I think, at heart, I'm into monogamy. But in the meantime, I will "get my date on" and see if any of these guys are worth holding onto.
More fun for you guys, I'm sure ;-)
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Last night I went to a birthday dinner that was just lovely. Nine women, superb food, and some delish wine. What was especially nice was that I got to see Brill, whom I haven't seen since February. I caught her up on all the goings on with SS and company, but more importantly, I explained that the FAF and I are just fine now. That finally, I realized I had done the absolute right thing. Brill looked relieved. "You weren't yourself," she said of those first few months after the break up. "You were putting on a good face, but you really just weren't yourself."
The only bad part of the evening was my phone. As in...I kept checking it. Because maybe Hottie1 texted? Or called to see if I was free? Or...unlikely as it may sound...maybe SS had gotten in touch! But no. Of course not.
Both of them are on the brain. SS, of course, more than Hottie1. Not knowing when I'll see him again isn't a pleasant feeling at all. But I promised him--and myself--patience. So as hard as that is, I'm working on accepting the situation for what it is. That at ths point, he's not going to be reaching out much. That maybe I'll have to do more of the work. And that, ultimately, it's possible this just won't work out. But if I let my mind wander to the what-ifs, not much good comes of it. So no what-ifs. Just waiting.
I spoke to BCD on the phone this weekend, and it looks like we'll probably meet up next week. But...well...he's kind of a downer. He's in a tough spot in his life as well--what is with these guys!?!--and so he's not that happiest guy in the world, and it shows. But I'll give him another chance, and I'll hope we have a lovely time. So there!
Eager Beaver's next week too--meh. I don't get the feeling that this will be a luv connection, but I'm willing to give him a shot. Why the hell not?
How happy will I be if SS gets in touch next week? I will hope. But not too much.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
I like SS more every time I see him. This scares me.
But I'm hanging in there. Look at CJ, risk-taker extraordinaire!
Hottie1 did not get back to me after I asked if he wanted to get together!! How annoying and frustrating is that? Our prior correspondence had been so promising.
Since this is RH email appreciation week, I'll relate that when I showed RH Hottie1's profile, she wrote "um so cute I can barely breathe."
I wrote back: "Ha--I know! I was like, damn he seems out of my league. We'll see. So far he's acted like a decent guy. But will he get back to me? This is the first time *I've* been the one asking the Jguy (hee) out on the actual date rather than the other way around. What a hussy I've become. "
She replied: "I wouldn't say 'Out of my league' whatsoever. You're just as cute as he. he sounds A LITTLE full of himself but maybe it just comes off wrong on paper and he's slightly more humble in person."
I didn't get the sense he was full of himself--in fact, he was appropriately self-depricating on the phone--the way I like 'em. I wonder why he just vanished.
Oh, SS. We can work out your issues, as we've started to do. I will try very hard to be patient. I just hope you'll get in touch with me.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
"you are 1,800 degrees from a few months ago. You sound so different, in such a good way. Great reaction, great analysis, great way of handling things, etc. You sound so mature and confident and kind. He is really lucky that you're [around]. I'm really proud of you, and I think it's highly commendable that you're willing to give this a try when it's already difficult in the very beginning. But it could really be worth it...
Um, nice on the yummy body. That right there makes it worth it."
That made me feel good. Then again, SS's yummy body would make me feel good too. Sigh.
My problem right now is wondering when I'll get to see him again. He's not one to reach out. So...although I know he wants to hang out again, I'm very unsure when that will happen. In the meantime, I'm scheduling all my other dates: Big Cute Dork, Eager Beaver, and...well, today I did something different.
For the very first time, I asked out one of the guys I've been corresponding with rather than waiting for him to do so. I'm not sure it was the right thing to do, but Hottie1 and I had such a good rapport, that I thought I'd take the plunge. Will he get in touch back? Or will he ignore me? Hmmm...
Did I buy a different-size schlong cozy? No. Did I need to? No. Was it because of size? No. I told you nothing was going to happen!
Oh, SS. Smart, sexy, kind SS. Because you are a good person, I will be patient. We talked a lot. And we fooled around a bit. Ohhh, the body. Those intense, kind eyes. He'll need time before he can be available--on all fronts, emotionally and physically. He's dealing with a tough history. And I have decided to go against my usual trend. In the past, I haven't been much of a risk-taker when it comes to dating. I automatically tend toward self-protection. If it looks like a possibility that I might get hurt? Better err on the side of taking the blow early so it will be less severe. But right now, I feel like taking a risk. I would be more worried if I were to stop dating other guys--but I'm not going to do that. (SS knows this and is fine with it.)
SS has been dearly hurt by people he's trusted in the past--people who didn't deserve his trust. But, well, I'm great! I hate hurting people! I act in a considerate, decent, loyal manner! If we take it slow, and if he's able to work through his issues, maybe something special could happen here. OR. If the relationship stays on a casual note, and I'm only able to spend time with someone whose company I value and whose body I drool over...well, right now I'm okay with that too. I can't say how I'll feel tomorrow, or the next day, about this decision. But that's the whole "risk" part. And I'm proud of myself for taking it.
Other guys on the horizon? Hottie2 needs to be renamed: Big Cute Dork. I honestly don't know if BCD and I are a good match--but I'll see him again next week and find out. I'm also wondering if Hottie1 will call this weekend. We've been playing a bit of phone tag, but his messages are so great! They're apologetic, considerate, funny. So far I really like this guy, even though I haven't met him yet--I'd say more so than any of the other "virtual" guys before we've met. So, when will I meet Hottie1? Or a better question, will I meet Hottie1? I sure darn hope so.
Oh, and my own two cents on the Great Jewish Penis debate? So far, the ones I've seen have not disappointed ;-)
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Will SS cancel our date tonight?
Will I wind up sleeping with SS tonight? (By the way, I highly doubt it.)
But in the unlikely event that this happens...well, he would be the first guy since the Former Almost Fiance. And...um...the "safety nets" in my apartment were bought by the FAF. They are "Large." Would this be intimidating for a guy to see? Like, will he think he has to measure up? I mean, it's not like they're "Extra Large" or "Jumbotron" or however these things are sized. Is there a "Humongo?"
Really and truly, I can't imagine there will be any need for them tonight. But it just got me thinking. And kind of chuckling.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Hottie2 tells me I'm pretty, smart, and funny. Thanks, Hottie2! CJ says you are a big, cute dork. Pretty much my type.
After only 1 date, I'm still not sure if we're a good personality match, but we're supposed to have a 2nd date soon, so maybe I'll know better then. Yay me for finally being over the "reserved first date" hump I was stuck in for so long!
P.S. Eager Beaver called today to schedule our date this week...but I've got a date with SS, and I really want to hang out with RH. Plus, Hottie2 mentioned getting together again quite soon. What's a busy girl to do?
Monday, May 07, 2007
Thursday night over dinner, SS said to me: I don't think we should see each other any more.
God, what a sad sentence. I enjoy his company so much. And I didn't even get to see those sexy muscles without that pesky clothing covering them up. I felt a plunging in my chest, as if my stomach had no bottom.
SS went on. You're attractive, he said. Smart, funny, and "pretty much awesome." (See? I told you he was smart.) But he's going through some personal issues--the kind that might keep him emotionally unavailable. He may not be relationship-ready, he said. And I deserve more.
We left things with a decision in my lap: Casually date SS? Or say goodbye to SS? And so my thinking began. One thing I knew--by instinct alone. I did not want to give up SS. But there was more: I just started dating again, myself. After 5 years. Am I really ready for an exclusive, intense relationship? Well, no. I can't say for sure that I am.
In fact, what sounds kind of exciting right now is something no-strings...with someone I'm very physically attracted to. Hmmm. Maybe this situation with SS will be just what the Luv Doctor ordered. He needs to loosen up. I could use some loosening up. Why not loosen each other up? We're just going to date. No pressure. Nothing serious.
Meanwhile, I've got Hottie2 and Eager Beaver lined up for this week. And it's Hottie1's turn to call me back--which I'm not waiting for especially because he's usually pretty darn busy during the week.
SS is also supposed to get in touch to schedule our next date. I do regret that I don't think he'll ever call or email as much as I'd like him to. But I'm willing to try this out and see where it goes. In fact, I'm kind of looking forward to it.
I debated whether or not I should disable comments here, and I still may do so. I don't want to hear if you think this is the right or wrong choice. Or about the guy/girl you tried this with--with whatever result occurred. No context. No other similar stories. No "here's what I think." Just going forward. If I delete your comment rather than publishing it? Please don't be offended. I'm reserving the right to be particularly sensitive about this one. Also, if you ignore my pleas and give me your advice, etc.? Then I'll just be pissed, even knowing you mean well.
Saturday, May 05, 2007
I'm still not ready to talk about SS, and I've realized why. I want to go forward with no context. I want to not only avoid over-thinking, but to avoid thinking altogether. I am a thinker. It's what I do. A lot. For this one time, I say screw it and move forward exactly how I feel I want to. Will I be giving up self-protection? Possibly. But as I've made clear, I just don't want to hear about it right now. So! Let's update the rest of things, shall we?
Hottie1 seems to be an absolute sweetheart. We heart him. He seems interested, and he apologizes when he can't call in a timely fashion. I am still intimidated by his hotness. But so far...well, so good. And that's all I can say about that! We'll meet up soon, I'm sure, when our schedules allow it.
Hottie2 is getting his final chance (he better act right!) early next week. He, too, seems interested. Not sure we're a good match, but I'm happy to give it a try. And isn't he lucky that I am?
We've got a newbie in the mix, too, whom I'll call Eager Beaver. Because lordy he's solicitous. Emails right back. Calls when he says he's going to. And for now? I will take it. Shower me with affection, gentlemen. I won't complain.
Unless I don't like you, of course. ;)
Cute Doc is back in the mix as well--remember him from a while ago? We're working on someday scheduling that second date.
Then tonight? Well, tonight will be...interesting. My gal pal whom I'll call Youth--because she's several years younger than I am--has asked me out to dinner with a couple of her guy friends. Because one of them saw a picture of me and decided I was an absolute hottie. (Note: it was a particularly flattering photo.) Have I seen a pic of him? Nope. Do I think anything will come of this group dinner? Nope. Because he's a baby. Like, years younger than I am. I'm not ruling him out completely, but still...that's not really something I'm looking for right now.
But like I said...I'm willing to take the showering of affection.
Downpour it, dudes.
Friday, May 04, 2007
I have choices to make, and I'm not sure what I'm going to do.
I hesitate to write about it here for one reason only: I do not want your advice on this one.
The nature of a blog--especially a dating blog--is that it's a breeding ground for what's come to be known in the blogosphere as "assvice" (and I've always hated the term, by the way, because of the good intentions behind it). This is unasked-for advice that readers want to give you because they become invested in your story, have likely had similiar experiences, and feel they can help you. I know it's well-meaning, and I appreciate that. Sometimes it helps me. Sometimes it doesn't.
Right now it's just not wanted.
You will likely have an opinion of what I should do with SS. But this is a decision I would very much like to make on my own. I can also imagine posting the story and then getting well-meaning comments such as "I know you don't want to hear this, but...." Yeah, I don't want that either. If I were to make the decision, and write about it afterwards? And you'd want to tell me I did the wrong thing? Nope. Don't want to hear that either. Even a general "You should" of any kind...I'm not in the mood for right now.
So, while I'm thinking recent events over, I'll see what happens. Maybe SS will just be out of the picture.
Oh, and do I want emails asking "off the record" what happened? I do not. Please don't be offended if you email along those lines and I do not answer, because I won't.
So there. A very maddening post to read, I am certain. Why write at all? Because I'm feeling sad. And sometimes when I feel sad, writing here makes me feel better. That would be the only thing I'm looking for right now.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
I was not a cute teenager. For real. I grew up hating the way I looked--so much so that when I walked down the street, I'd look down at the sidewalk. When I saw a cute guy, I'd turn around. Because maybe he'd find me attractive from the back. Needless to say, I didn't date.
But things changed. My skin finally cleared all lovely and smooth. I learned what to do with my hair. I grew into my features. By the time I got to college, I wasn't half bad. I gained confidence, but the former me--the one who hated the mirror so much--wasn't yet so far behind.
Enter my first boyfriend. Oh, he was a catch. I remember looking at him and not quite believing that someone so attractive, so smart, so cool--yes, he was definitely one of the "cool kids" (and well, by that time, so was I)--was my boyfriend. When I was with him, I felt just giddy. But soon...he started acting less than considerate. See, First Boyfriend had a tremendous talent. He was an amazing apologizer. His reasons always made sense, and he always berated himself endlessly. He apologized with humor, with sincerity, with regret. Trust me--you wound up feeling bad for him. So, when we made plans, most of the time he just wouldn't show up. By the way? This included my birthday dinner. But almost every time, despite having absolutely despaired over his absense, I'd just let it slide. What a good girlfriend I was being, I thought. See how cool I am? Won't he want to stay with the girl who forgives him when he f*cks up?
First Boyfriend broke up with me and broke my heart.
Fast forward many years. Hottie2 made me think of First Boyfriend. The old me? Would have let him cancel on me three times without standing up for myself. The first two times, he had good reasons, and he was very apologetic. The third time? Canceled last minute. By text. I did not respond.
The next day (yesterday) he texted again, "Free tomorrow?" I did not respond.
This morning, he called. I picked up. "Are you free tonight?" I replied, "I'm busy." Tomorrow night? Busy. This weekend? Busy.
There was a pause. Then he started apologizing. It was work stuff, he knows he was awful, blah blah blah. I accepted the apology. "So are you free tonight?" he asked. "Nope, I said. Busy. But I might be free next week. You can't cancel."
He said he knew. But that I could cancel, of course, if need be.
Don't get me wrong--I'm still wary of this one. But with busy lives, things do happen. I am not unreasonable. He gets one more chance.
I'm just really glad that I let him know it's not okay to treat me inconsiderately. Maybe you think it's the obvious thing to have told him. But the old me? Probably wouldn't have done it. A small step--but one I'm proud to have taken.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Last night RH and I found a new local bar to love. Yay for that! RH and I have started hanging out more again, and we're having a ton of fun together. The crowd at this bar skews a bit young, but I noticed a couple hot-ish guys in suits grabbing a beer as well. RH and I vowed to sit in a more social area next time. If nothing else, it's always good to make friends with the bartenders--aka the free-drink-givers. Cute Jewess is very good at making bartender friends.
Hottie2 texted to reschedule our date. He still has not called, nor specified any excuse for canceling. I simply texted back "Have plans." Dude: be a person and call me. Or else, well, that's the end of that. You are very attractive, I give you that. But you were kind of boring on the phone. Also, it seems, not too considerate.
Hmmm. A cutie I emailed on Jdate earlier today just emailed back. That makes 4 guys I'm juggling right now--including SS but not Hottie2, and not counting a "maybe" I'm thinking about dropping.
I'll admit: I truly prefer dealing with 4 guys than 11, as I was in February. I'm just one gal!
Hottie2 wound up behaving like a dick by canceling our date for a third time with little or no notice. With the first two? He called and offered what seemed like sincere regret and apologies. I thought for sure he wouldn't cancel this time. But he did. By text. I have not texted back. If he calls with a really good excuse, I will not be unreasonable. But nuh-uh, homey. You don't get to text a quick "sorry" and expect me to reply to that bullhooey.
Hottie1 has not gotten in touch since our lovely phone conversation the other night. He seemed interested--but he also seems really busy. So far I really like this guy. We have a lot in common, and he plays it straight. I will hope he gets in touch again. And if I don't hear from him in a week or so, I would feel comfortable emailing him.
There are a few more guys on the horizon. But I'm not sure yet if they merit mentions! We'll see.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Did Hottie1 and I have a lovely chat? Yes.
Am I seeing Hottie2 this week? Supposedly.
Average Nad-Suckage Factor: 3 out of 10.
SS had a reason to have been silent for so long. It's a good reason. But he's not off the hook yet-- it's not like his fingers were sand-blasted off. He still could have emailed. And yet he promises to get back in touch once his current spot of trouble is over. I still hope to see him again, I confess. I miss him. But I am wary.
And he better act fast because who's to say that Hottie1 and Hottie2 won't sweep me off my cute little feet? According to Best Friend and LV, and you guys, and likely him, Hottie1 is not out of my league. It helps that I reached my goal weight--and even half a pound below!--and have been able to maintain it for a couple weeks even after gorging myself this weekend. Last night I kicked the gym's ass. So yay for that! I know five pounds doesn't sound like much, but having it gone sure makes me feel better.
Are you watching Heroes? If you're not, make sure to wait until the season 1 DVD is out, and then go to town. Damn that show is good!