Thursday, September 27, 2007
There is drama in my life right now. Unnecessary drama being perpetrated by a friend whom I now know is my "frenemy." It seems like she's been harboring jealous resentment against me for months, and now decided to let it out in the most passive aggressive way--a group email--amongst all our mutual friends. Nice, huh?
Many of our mutual friends are now pissed at her for creating problems out of thin air and ruining a project we were all working on together. But it's been a big bummer, basically, to my already bummed out mood. This was someone I liked. Yes, she's moody and bitter. But she seemed to have a good heart and good intentions. Now I'm not so sure. Because she refuses to talk to me, I don't know if we'll resolve our issues. I'm thinking I don't even want to. The story is so long, and will involve many details I can't divulge (no matter what questions you may ask). But I'll try.
Background: Frenemy and I work in similar fields. She has had more of a struggle, while I have had more success. But I've given her lots of advice (only when she sought it out from me), that I know she's genuinely appreciated, and I've never been anything but super supportive. Here's the thing. She's also...oy. I hate to say this. But she's not a conventionally attractive woman. She's obese. She's got a stern expression. Several chins. Paired with what at times can be a surly, bitter personality. She's good at alienating people. Knowing this, I have always given her extra rope.
For instance, I first knew something was wrong between us a few months ago, when Frenemy, Sporty, Cheery Girl and I were having a fun dinner outing. Frenemy started to basically tell me she thought her work was more important/serious/valuable than mine, and that I've only had certain aspects of my success because this one guy thinks I'm cute. I can't tell you how condescending she sounded. Later, I would ask Sporty: Did I hear what I think I heard? Sporty was like: Um, yeah. But we decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. We agreed that her intentions couldn't have been bad. I let it slide.
Now, of late, Frenemy has twisted every single word out of my mouth as a personal attack. If I offered suggestions on the group project we were working on? She said I was trying to dictate everything. If I tried to make her feel better when she was down? I was lecturing. I only found all this out in a huge group email she sent to everyone about how I verbally attacked her. If you're wondering how my words can be so completely twisted and misunderstood, trust me, you're not alone. We're all wondering that.
The group started emailing each other (they would later tell me): What had they missed?
The answer was nothing. She was creating drama literally out of absolutely nothing. It is so frustrating to have someone put words into your mouth. AND, AND this was right after I'd seen Frenemy one-on-one for about an hour. She didn't say a word to me about being angry or upset. If she had? I would have been shocked, and I would have tried to figure how she could possibly misinterpret so much. Instead, she went home after hugging me good-bye, and wrote the email attacking me.
Our mutual friends all responded: WTF?
Sporty and Cheery Girl met with me that night and basically went to town on how unbearable Frenemy has been. How controlling she is. How they have to walk on eggshells around her. I told them: I would rather talk to Frenemy about this than discuss it behind her back. But she refuses.
Sporty looked me in the eye. "Don't you know you two are rivals?"
Me: "What? What would I have to be rivals with her about?"
Sporty: "You have what she wants."
In general, I'm getting better at not thinking everything is my fault. But with that comes a new level of anger in my life where there used to be guilt. Because I'm not stewing in anguish thinking "What could I have done to Frenemy?" instead I'm angry at her for going around thinking she's better than me, for picking fights, for ruining our fun group project.
The irony is that she's just so narcissistic. So while part of me would like to feel sorry for her, I can't. She thinks she's the best at everything and that the world just doesn't see it. I told Sporty, "But have you seen her work? Some of it's...just kind of blah." Sporty responded "If her work was as good as she thinks it is, she wouldn't need this attitude about it."
I've probably written too much here. I'm terrified someone in the group will find it. I've been too honest and open with my feelings. But when you can't talk to the person who's responsible for them? Well, I needed another outlet. So I'm taking my chances.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Last night, I popped out to Au Bon Pain to buy cookies. Because I decided not to go to the gym. And I love cookies. The winner? Hazelnut Dream. Go out and buy yourself an Au Bon Pain Hazelnut Dream cookie and thank me later. Unless, of course, you're fasting--in which case, oops, sorry.
If I can get in another post before Yom Kippur settles in, then I'll share with you my precious America's Next Top Model thoughts. If not, then I'm off tonight to Kol Nidre services, which will be my one appearance at temple these High Holy Days.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
No surprise, Hottie1 also has yet to confirm our date tonight, which will probably just not happen. If he doesn't get in touch, I will not contact him again.
As Loverville said, I knew these guys were flakey, but I gave them the benefit of the doubt. And then they just went and acted like themselves.
Here's what bugs me, though (okay, it all bugs me). I'm back to being shy in person around guys. It feels like I'm sabotaging myself. Last night, I went out with my girlfriend Sporto to my local bar. I got there before her, and had to wait a good 10 minutes or so on my own. The bartender, whom I know, said "I got two seats for ya right here, love," and I sat down smack down next to a cute guy. A cute guy on his own, who seemed to be doing some work. He was scribbling intently on paper. He was a lefty, which I find sexy.
So there we were, shoulder to shoulder. Cute Scribbler and me. I could have talked to him so easily. "Whatcha writing?" But I didn't. Furthermore, and Best Friend knows this for sure about me, my shyness comes off as aloofness. I give off a vibe that I don't want to be talked to. Because I feel nervous. So I looked the other way from the Scribbler, he went on working, and half an hour later, he talked to a pretty girl halfway down the bar from me.
I wish I could be more outgoing in those situations. Alcohol helps. But from now on I'm going to try to force myself to interact rather than isolate myself. And I looked cute last night too! The outfit I was wearing made me look particularly small waisted and busty. I must remember to wear it all the time.
Like, say, if I ever have a date again.
P.S. I am psyched about America's Next Top Model on TiVo!! I might have to do an entry on the premiere. That show is craziness.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
1) Drinks with Brill last night was depressing. Not seeing Brill--I love Brill--but basically everything else. First of all, I had no exciting news to share. No big developments over the past couple months to fill her in on. "I'm the same" somehow doesn't have quite a jolly ring to it.
Then there's her current predicament. She and her well-off fiance can't find an apartment they can afford in the city. They're looking for a 2-bedroom, 1-and-a-half bath. Reasonable, no? You'd think that's the least you need to settle down, start a family. At least, it's the least you'd want. "You have no idea what the prices are," Brill said. "No idea." So instantly, I started thinking how I'll never, ever be able to live in a decent apartment. Maybe even not in Brooklyn. Not the kind of apartment I'd want to live in.
Brill kept going on, until I couldn't bear it any longer. "Let's not talk about this," I said. She started to finish her sentence. "No--don't finish." She kept going. "Brill, if you love me, you won't finish your sentence." She kind of stopped then.
What next? Oh, she asked about the guys in my life, of course. And by the end of the night, she was saying "I'm worried about you."
2) Tonight's supposed to be Jackpot. I highly doubt it will happen. No confirmation yet, and he tends not to do personal correspondence at work. So what am I going to do--get all ready for the date and see if he calls me? Or just ignore the f*cker and sit on my couch all night?
3) Career. I've been working on a long-term project at work. I think it'll be successful, but I really, really can't be sure. In any case, it's going very slowly. And if it doesn't work out? I may have to look for a new career. What the hell would that be? I have no clue.
4) Wedding. One of my closest friends from college is getting married. In an expensive city that isn't this one. Will I be able to afford transportation/hotel along with gift? Not so much. Can I find a way? Dunno. But it's one more thing to worry about, and one more thing to despair that I can't afford. How fun is that?
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Tomorrow, I'm supposed to see Jackpot. Thursday, Hottie1. I am now somewhat excited about these two dates. However, I am still not convinced they will actually happen.
Tonight, I am wine barring it with Brill, whom I haven't seen in about two months. I miss Brill, so this will be fun. When I get home, will there be an email from Jackpot confirming our date? I do not know. Honestly, I'm thinking there's a 50/50 possibility here.
Hottie1 is supposed to call me some time before Thursday. Will it be tonight? Tomorrow? Never?
If neither of these dates happen? Well, we're back at April/May all over again.
Oh Jackpot. You are tall and goofy, and I think you're cute. Oh, Hottie1. You have yummy muscles and an intellectual bent--and I hope you're not all big ego-ed about it.
Please oh please let these dates actually happen!
Monday, September 17, 2007
I'm getting excited for Jackpot and Hottie1 later this week, which of course means at least one of them will cancel.
I'm seeing Brill tomorrow for the first time in months, and I'm totally looking forward. For now, though, I'm mostly just enjoying fall--my favorite season.
Friday, September 14, 2007
The brief low-down:
- SS: For those who don't remember, I liked him months ago, when we went on a few dates. He was just out of a really dysfunctional long-term relationship. He freaked out. We lost touch.
- Jackpot: I met him at a party months ago. I considered him "so my type." We emailed a bit but never cemented a date down, despite his professed interest.
- Hottie1: Months ago, I emailed a bit with this guy on Jdate--he remains to this day one of the best-looking guys I've corresponded with. I wrote this on the blog: "I'm still a bit scared of Hottie1. He's just so typically good-looking. AND also smart, funny, and--it seems--nice. He's the kind of guy I'd imagine has a line of women trailing after him at all times. I'm going to have to go for the big guns--my own intelligence and sense of humor--to distinguish myself among what must be a very large group of ladies." Hottie1 and I talked on the phone and had a great conversation. He called me again a few days later and left a message. I called him back and left a message. I never heard from him again. I emailed him once afterwards to try and get back in touch, with no response.
Fast forward months and months, and they all converge again.
SS: Lordy is he screwed up. And he seems to associate exclusively with people who are even more screwed up than he is. As Loverville said, "You're so right not to get involved with him!" Not that it was my choice, mind you. But...yeah.
SS and I had a lovely drinks time together. Can't call it a "date" because we're friends now, which is as it should be. He's a great guy at heart--and I enjoy being around him. But whew, issues! Still, to finally have some closure on someone I really liked...that feels good.
Jackpot: Ah, small town New York. I ran into him on the street. We started emailing again, and JP expressed his attraction to me: "You look delicious." We've got a date set for next week. He is a big old flake, though, and so I will only believe it when I see him in front of me, alongside a big old cocktail, thank you very much.
Hottie1: Out of the blue, I figured I'd give it one more try. I sent H1 one of my "confident emails," and he wrote back that he'd love to meet for a drink. I've been talking to Loverville about this a bit. He stokes my insecurities. Best Friend knows more than anyone what I was like as a teenager. I was not cute. I was not popular with the gents. I was smart and hilarious (duh). (And Best Friend, don't even challenge me on the hilarious part. You were there laughing!!) So anyway, the truth is that really good-looking guys intimidate the hell out of me. Luckily for me, Hottie1 seems to value smarts and wit as much as physical appearance--so point in my favor. But I'm going to have to work on feeling as cute as possible to overcome insecurity in the face of a hot guy. We've got a date set for next week. So far, he doesn't seem like he's going to vanish...but with these Jguys, you just never know.
I'm seeing Lanky tonight. I've forgotten about this date about twelve times now. I do like him, though. I'm just not sure how much. So we'll see!--Cute Jewess
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
It feels like I'm in a bit of a dating rut these days, but eh, whatever. I'm not caring too much. BUT indeed, at least one flash from the past will be returning, if not two. You'll have to be a long-time reader of CJTA to remember these gentlemen.
The dude I alluded to a few days back is Sexy Smart. (Best Friend knew him as Sexy Back.) We're going to try being friends. I miss him, truth be told. I think he's a decent person, and I'm willing to see what happens when we just hang out. If it doesn't work for me? Then I won't do it again.
The other blast from el pasto? Jackpot! Remember him? There's a whole convoluted story that I won't go into, but basically I met him at a party a few months ago, hearted him, and took a chance to see if I could keep him from vanishing. But vanish he did, until just a few days ago. We're working on scheduling a date.
Oh, and I have another date set up with Lanky. Which I almost forgot about. So, yeah, he gets one more chance, and if I'm not feeling it, then I'll just let him go.
Okay, so technically I realize this might not sound like a dating slump. But there's no one I feel particularly excited about.
Still, at least there's blog fodder :)
Monday, September 10, 2007
Mr. Chill must be renamed: Cheap Ass Tacky Bastard, or any variation thereupon.
The location was fine--lovely scenery, nice hanging-out spot. But Cheap Ass starts the date by saying "I'll buy a round, then you buy a round." Truly? I thought he was joking. We sat with our drinks and had some decent conversation. He complimented my appearance and intelligence, and he was good enough company.
Tacky Bastard was ready for a drink before I was, and he's like, "You want another?" And I'm like, "I'm good for now." So he's like, "Well I'm ready for another, so let's go!" and I'm thinking--Why is he insisting I go with him to the bar? He buys himself a drink, and then he says, "Okay, but if you want another drink, you're paying for it." And I kept thinking he was joking.
But he kept trying to get me to buy him another drink. And in the meantime, he's saying how nice I look, how intelligent I am, etc. And I'm thinking, as you may have surmised, "You cheap ass tacky bastard."
After I realized he wasn't kidding, I was not so inviting. I called him out on it, too. I was like "No guy I've been on a date with in years has ever said: Okay, your turn to buy." And he's like, "That's how I roll! I don't buy drinks for girls. I don't buy drinks for my friends."
I had water for the rest of the date.
The kicker? This guy works in finance, lists himself in the highest echelon of Jdate's income level, and very likely makes at least five times what I do.
Here's the thing, guys. When a woman goes on a date, she invests. First of all, there's time. I guarantee you it takes longer for us to get ready than it does you. Secondly, cosmetics and hair product costs. Salon fees. Clothing and accessories. In general, if you want your lady date to look good--and don't say you don't care--then she is investing time and money into that date.
Which means at least at first, equalize the field by buying the drinks.
Ugh. I'm disgusted by this guy. The Tacky Ass.
Friday, September 07, 2007
I emailed this to Loverville:
I was just thinking about how the dudes we're lukewarm about usually get in touch. But the ones we actually like tend to be communication douches.
Sigh. Where's the dudes we're really into who don't use e-mail Massingill or Summer's Eve?
She enjoyed that :-)
Tonight is Mr. Chill, which I'm rather looking forward to.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
The thing is, I'm not sure I was very inviting. He didn't mention a second date, despite the fact that he leaned in for a kiss. Earlier in the evening, he mentioned something about the next time we see each other. And in a round-about way, he let me know he found me attractive--it was actually quite sweet. So if he doesn't call, I'll assume it was because he wasn't feeling much interest from me at the end of the date.
Which leads me to wonder: Would I call him?
I've mentioned before that I'm not a big "What if" person. So it's more of a "How much do I like this guy" question. I mean, he's alright. We had fun.
Maybe it'll be easier for me to sort it out after my date this weekend with Mr. Chill. I sent Mr. Chill's profile to RH, and she's a fan. He's a bit more my speed: Kind of goofy, artistic, playful. At least he seems so. We'll see about this whole "in person" thing.
Annddddd....There may be an appearance soon from someone you've heard of in the past. Is it the smartest thing to do? Maybe not. But I'm willing to give it a try. More details another time!
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Also, I remember thinking--Oohh! Drunk Jdating! Most fun ever!
Thankfully, when I shamefacedly checked my sent mail folder this morning, all was fine. Yay Cute Jewess for managing to write a witty drunk Jdate email. Which set up a date for this weekend. With a cute, funny, seemingly cool guy. Let's call him Mr. Chill--he seems pretty laid back, so why not.
Tomorrow's a date with Lanky. He's skinnier than dudes I usually date, but he's got a sweet, dorky smile, and he seems like a decent dude.
Monday, September 03, 2007
You know what? Boys are stupid. They don't realize how great we are. The minute something seems less than perfect--the minute there seems like there may be (God forbid!) work in a relationship they bail. Um...weak.
Friday night? Ha. Loverville and I set out on the town and found boys who were quite enamoured with us. They hearted us. But dude. They were twenty-three. Can't happen.
It flitted across my mind tonight: If I'm not gonna have a relationship with Big Smile, maybe I can just enjoy his giant penis. Because Giant Penis may be rare. And shouldn't one enjoy chemistry when one can? But...well...he doesn't deserve the pleasure. Douche.
So. Where is my nice reform or conservative Jewish boy who is attracitve and deserves me?
Fool's Gold: I know, I know. In another lifetime, perhaps.
Yes, I have a date set up for this week. Maybe two. Ehhhh, whatever. You'll hear if I'm feeling it.
Right now I'm watching a teenager holding a giant iguana on Jay Leno. See how exciting my life is?
And you wondered why you read this blog.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Best Friend knows how I heart this piece of British-Jewish a$$. I used to go see him DJ in NYC a few years ago, but now he's a music producer for the likes of Amy Winehouse and Lily Allen. He even has a blog of his own. Two blogging Cute Jews sounds like a match to me, Mark ;-) Those soulful brown eyes and that prep-school-but-wanna-be-bad-boy-cool thing get me every time.