In the spirit of "Why not?" I emailed Halloween Boy. Will he respond?
Sporty backed out of the fun Halloween plans we had for tonight, but now it looks like Best Friend might be going out. Will I join her for Spooky Fun?

Stay tuned, ghouls and goblins. Mwah-ha-ha-hah.

Saturday! I'm late with my report, sorry. I'm fighting a cold hard core before it fully blossoms. Take that, early germs!

Getting ready, I was overall pleased with my Halloween costume. What surprised me most was the makeup--it actually looked good! I don't know that I could go that dramatic on a regular basis, but I think I might try to do more with my eyes in the future. Best Friend especially liked the eye makeup. Both LV and BF liked the red, red lips, but I don't know if I'm a red, red lip kinda gal.

The party with Host-I-Barely-Know was different than I expected it to be. For one, the apartment was smaller, so the crowd was naturally rather intimate. Also, more people had dressed up than I imagined--and there were full on trampy outfits too--so I felt comfortable in my costume. Loverville--man, she is good at meeting people. She could give lessons and make a fortune!

And there was this guy...and oh, how I liked him! He was cute, successful, and we had a lot in common. Also, I've gotten good at the casual touch on the arm or such while talking to a cute dude. And mmmmm, his arm felt good. Homeslice worked out. We talked for a good portion of the night, and then we would have parted ways with no phone numbers exchanged if not for some clever finagling from Loverville. But I got the sense that he wasn't interested in me, which is a shame. He didn't ask for my number, after all. And he seemed to want to dance with and talk to this Asian chick--who wasn't even that cute. If there's ever a group gathering or such, I might invite him, but I wouldn't hold my breath.

Pout pout.

After getting nice and boozy at the party, Loverville and I met up with Best Friend at an underground, semi-secret lounge where she goes often, but I had never been. It was cuter than I thought it would be. Later, BF and I hit one more location. I found it rather easy, in fact, to talk to dudes. I met a couple nice (and interested) ones at the bar, and I was outgoing and charming. If I had wanted to get their numbers, I'm sure I could have, but eh, I wasn't feeling it so much. Also, um, there was this creeeeeeeepy older dude who would not stop staring at me. For. Real. It was disconcerting. At one point he said to me "That's a beautiful costume," and I just smiled, said thank you--without looking him in the eye--and then basically ran away. Still, the dude wouldn't stop staring. Yeah, that was appropriately Halloween creepy.

So, to recap: Costume was cute, makeup worked, met a dude I liked--duuuuude, why don't you like me?--who probably didn't like me back.

The end! For now ;-)

--Cute Jewess

Ok people, bear with me. Cuz I'm nervous. Why am I nervous? For no good rational reason. But hey, let's talk about it.

1) I'm going to a party of someone I don't know very well. Not as the friend of someone who knows the person, but as the one who (barely) knows the person. So I'm nervous that everyone else will know the host well. That I'll be the only one in a somewhat "sexy-ish" costume, and so everyone will think I'm "that girl." That I just won't mesh well with the crowd.

2) I'm scared of my makeup. Meaning, I will be wearing a lot. Which I don't usually do. But it goes with the costume, and I did a "makeup test" before showering to make sure it all looked okay. I guess it does. But will it be pretty? Will it make me look weird?

3) I've been really looking forward to Halloween. Usually the more I look forward to something, the more disappointed I am when it doesn't meet expectations.

On the other hand! I'll be hanging out with LV and (later on) Best Friend, whom I both love. And some of Best Friend's friends. And maybe even HM (remember him?). Aaannnnddd I'll be able to booze it up for free at the don't-know-the-host's party, which is a big plus. Halloween be one expensive holiday.

When I tell The Shrink about my anxiety at parties where I don't know people well, he says "You can always leave." This is true. Trust me, I know there's nothing to be anxious about. And almost 100% of the time people can't tell I'm anxious.

I guess I just want everything to turn out great. And yes, meeting a guy to flirt with would be a big plus. And I want to feel cute.

--Cute Jewess

After a night of not sleeping well, I'm feeling a tad cranky. BUT I'm excited for Halloween, and I've got my costume all picked out. I did not get the outfit-in-the-window I loved so much, but I found an old dress in my closet that--with some choice accessories--will do just fine. Nope, not gonna tell you what I'm going as for Halloween. I'll be attending at least 2 parties--maybe more! In the past, I've met dudes on Halloween--quality dudes--so I will hope to get my flirt on.

About the costume: It is short. Very short. Mostly "cute," but the shortness throws in a bit of "sexy." I talked about this with BF and LV--I'm not usually comfortable looking overtly sexy. The dress on its own? Would be marginally within my comfort zone. But to make it a bit hotter, I got lacy thigh high stockings. THESE are hot. Consultation with LV and BF resulted in both telling me that the outfit is still tame by NYC Halloween standards, and so I'm going with it.

I will look hot, dammit. And I will drink enough to be comfortable with that.



--Cute (Hot?) Jewess

An experiment in graphics:
I installed a new graphics toolbar--can you see the glitter and animation, or is it just a solid regular ole object? Or...nothing at all? Gotta keep things spicy, you know--and my love life certainly ain't doin' it. Holla.

I've got emails from 3 new dudes in my Jdate inbox whom I had planned to write back to. I just reread their profiles, though, and I'm not feeling jazzed. But I told myself--if I write back, I'm not automatically going to meet them. So at some point I'll write back, see how the conversation goes, maybe move to phone, and then--if the phone conversation's good--then we'll meet.

Divorced never called like he said he was going to. Part of me thinks I should send an email to check in, and another part of me remembers that in his last email to me there were signs of douchiness. That's why I haven't bothered so far.

Halloween's coming up. Can I afford the super cool costume I saw in the window down the block? Probably not, but I'm going to check in on it anyway. I like to be cute and flirty on Halloween, I won't lie--but I draw the line at trampiness. Boobs will not be hanging out. Midriff will not be displayed. Upper thigh will be covered. No bunny ears.

Happy Tuesday, folks!
--Cute Jewess

After two phone conversations with AI, I knew he seemed much closer to dorky-dorky than cute-dorky. But I figured if I were physically attracted to him, that could be endearing. Yeahhhh, he's not so cute.

The thing was, we had planned to go to 2 places on our date. Note to self! Plan one place, then see how the date goes before agreeing to a Part 2. Because Part 1 would have been fine. Just have a good drink with some decent conversation, say thank you, and leave.

When Part 2 of the date happened, I realized something I hadn't been able to figure out during Part 1. (Non)Adorable (Not so much)Intellectual is a spitter. Yes, of the "Say it don't spray it" variety. This was not so fun. I had to force myself not to visibly cringe every time the dude opened his spitty mouth. If the place had been less crowded, I would have figured out a way to move my chair further away. Alas, 'twas not to be.

I need to become better at getting out of dates. He wasn't a bad guy, so I didn't want to be rude. And so our date lasted over 3 hours. Oy.

If AI were less clueless, he'd realize my body language was not inviting. He'd realize that when I didn't let him walk me home, it was a sign that I don't want to see him again. I fear he is indeed quite clueless. But if he doesn't call, then hey--I don't have to "let him down easy." So wish me luck that he actually gets it!

--Cute Jewess

Hmmm. Well, the more I talk to Adorable Intellectual, the more he seems to lean toward dorky dorky rather than cute dorky. BUT. Dude calls when he says he's going to, and that's a big plus for me. Please be attractive, AI! I could use a boost in the Dude Department. On the plus side, I had 2 emails waiting for me in my Jdate inbox this morning from promising profiles.

Yesterday I bought myself a special treat--one I've been wanting for ages. Excitement! And I still had cream puffs--surprisingly, the vanilla was much tastier than the chocolate. Usually I like both the same. When it comes to sweets, I generally do not discriminate.

Meeting AI tonight! He chose a bar I like, so that was a good sign. Now just add a little more charm, AI, and be as cute as your picture. What, that's too much to ask? ;-)

--Cute Jewess

Pouty pout.
So far, the weekend has been kinda a dud. Last night, I enjoyed hanging out with Sporty, but her neighborhood--where I'd never been before--was totally dead. Sooo...let's just say I'm not rushing to go back there. It's a hike, anyway!

Today I had been looking forward to traipsing around downtown with RH, shopping and eating cream puffs, but that's not gonna happen. I guess I'll head down on my own, since I've got errands to do.

Adorable Intellectual is supposed to call today...I hope he does! I have a feeling he might not be so cute in person--not sure why, just a hunch. But hey, maybe that means I'll be pleasantly surprised.

Let's hope the 2nd part of the weekend gets better!
--Cute Jewess

Really, Retro Cool? You're still trying to hit this?

RC texted me asking to hang out again--despite the fact that I offered him my cheek when he leaned in to kiss me at the end of our date. I'm so not feeling him. We will not be making further plans, but RC hangs out at my local--so if we run into each other? So be it. Doesn't mean we're dating. Or that he's getting any closer to a goodnight kiss :-)

Tonight, Sporty will be on a boy rampage, which should be a kick to watch. She goes after them hard! We'll see if her boldness rubs off at all.

Then tomorrow, RH and I plan to traipse around SoHo, which promises to be fun. I've got to pick up a couple things from Sephora. New makeup! Wheee.

Tomorrow night I'll be chilling with a new group of ladies, so we'll see if I make some new friends. And then Sunday night, I'll be meeting Adorable Intellectual. If nothing else, I don't think it will be a horror date, which is really all I can ask for at this point.

Have great weekends, people!
--Cute Jewess

Last night was so fun! First, Sporty and I met up at my local bar--I'm off to her neck of the woods on Friday--and then RH joined us later at another place she and I go to all the time. I've been having a lot of fun hanging with my girlfriends lately. Loverville and I spent a great Saturday night together, and I've seen Best Friend a couple times recently, and I hope to more.

An interesting tidbit from RH last night! She and I were walking home, and she told me she thought Wild Boy (our fave bartender) had a crush on me. Now, I don't personally think so--if Wild Boy has a type? I certainly can't imagine it's dorky Cute Jewess--but it was nice to hear that she thinks he has a soft spot for me, in whatever capacity it might be. It's nice to feel wanted at your fave local establishments! AND for the record, RH is beloved there too.

My Jdate story of the day yesterday? A guy contacted me, and I wrote back. He was cute, seemed like a decent (normal!) guy, so why not? He told me he thought my pictures were hot. I wrote back "What about my wit, charm, and smarts?" He clearly did not care to discuss my wit, charm, or smarts. Rather, he asked for "naughty pictures" of my "t*ts, hips and ass."

Rather than just not respond and risk hearing from Douchey Doucherton again, I sent back an "Um, no. Bye!" Douche.

I'm hoping to get to the gym tonight, then tomorrow's hanging in Sporty's neighborhood, where I haven't spent much time in the past.

Happy Thursday!
--Cute Jewess

And, in fact, AI called. He does seem shy, but in an endearing way. He's not slick, but he has that dorky charm I kind of like. So far, he seems like a decent guy. AND I get the sense he feels him some Cute Jewess. But mostly, I like that he seems like a good person. I say "seems" of course, because at this point who knows? But the initial impression is good.

We've got a date set up for next week. Will we mesh in person or not? I can't say, but I'm looking forward to it.

Must dash!
--Cute Jewess

Adorable Intellectual has not yet vanished, as I feared he might. In fact, he's sending over longer, funnier, and more thoughtful emails, which makes me think his delay in response might have something to do with writing a quality note rather than shooting something off quick.

He's got my digits now, and I think he'll use them. He's a cutie pie.

Divorced has not yet called, but I wasn't feeling him so much. And I've gotten a couple new worthwhile emails since I made myself more available on Jdate--one from a promising fellow who might earn a nickname soon. Ha. I just wrote "promising fellow." Hi, I'm 80 years old.

In general, my mood is improving, which is a relief. Peaks and valleys...peaks and valleys...

--Cute Jewess

Oh for goodness sake. Now I'm having bad luck with Real Live Guys too! Well, sort of.

Last night, Sporty (my girl friend, Sexist Commenter Who Assumed It Had To Be A Guy) and I went out for drinks. Now, Sporty is outgoing when it comes to guys. She's cut to the chase, kiss the guy in a bar, if he's not interested move on to the next. As you know, I am more shy. But around Sporty, with some cocktails in me, I can get a bit bolder.

So last night I spoke to a few guys. 1) Galoomf: I did not find him attractive; he approached me, we chatted for a bit, then he left. I found out that Sporty thought he was cute. I worked some magic to get them speaking--she kissed him. 2) Straight Laced: I initiated conversation, we chatted for a bit, and then a girl came to join him--she was wearing an engagement ring. 3) Retro Cool: Sporty started chatting with Retro Cool's friend, so he chatted with me. I could tell he was interested, and I was willing to give him a shot. After talking more, I found him to be smart, funny, and decent. I didn't think he was the most attractive guy I've ever seen, but he was cute enough to get to know better. Retro Cool walked me home and leaned in for a kiss. I gave him my usual (if rare) Cute Jewess kiss-for-someone-I-just-met: nothing too deep, but enough to show interest.

Retro Cool asked me to lunch the next day. We had lunch, and it was okay. The conversation was good enough, if not filled with instant spark. Again, he seemed cute enough and decent enough to get to know. I'd have gone out with him again. EXCEPT.

Dude works at a major financial institution. And he asked to split the bill.

I'm sorry, but if a guy asks me to split the bill on the first date, it almost always means I will not go out with him again. It just says "cheap" and "ungenerous." Those aren't qualities you look for in a guy. Especially if he works for one of the richest companies in the world! If you treat a girl to a first date, it doesn't mean you'll be treating her for the rest of your dating life together. It just means you're considerate. You're showing her you're a classy guy. Trust me, the bill wasn't even close to large.

So, buh-bye Retro Cool. He leaned in to kiss me goodbye, and I gave him my cheek. He leaned in again, and I kissed him more chastely than when we first met. Will that be enough of a signal that he shouldn't call me? We'll see.

Meanwhile, Adorable Intellectual isn't writing me back. I don't know why--we've had such nice email banter. But he's logged in several times to Jdate now over the past couple days with no word.

That sucks--I wanted to meet that guy.

--Cute Jewess

This post may be ethically questionable, but I'm bored, and I can always take it down. So...eh.

Every once in a while, when I'm browsing Jdate profiles, I'll think: "Wow. And you chose that picture why?"

So, now, I share. "Look at Me in Bed Guy," "I'm Funny Like A Clown--No Really, A CLOWN Guy," and "Wind Tunnel Hair Guy":

I can not yet say my luck is turning. Not yet.

But I can tell you about the guy I briefly mentioned yesterday. I'll call him Adorable Intellectual. It's rare that a guy contacts me on Jdate that I like. This is partly my fault--I often choose the membership options that keep certain things hidden, like when I'm online, or when I view someone else's profile. So I'm not that easy to find. And yes, lately I've been changing this to be more findable.

So AI emails me, and I click on his profile. He's got a slightly dorky smile, nice dark hair. He looks like a good guy, and I think he's cute. I check the height--tall. He's successful, too, and seems to be looking for an intelligent woman. All pluses. AI is someone I would have emailed in a heartbeat--and I would say the best guy who's initiated contact with me on Jdate so far. So we start emailing, and I start waiting for him to disappear.

But so far...he's not disappearing. He writes long, funny, smart emails, and I return in kind. I imagine we'll speak on the phone quite soon. So let's hold out hope for Adorable Intellectual.

There's another guy on the Jdate radar, too. He'd be the first divorced guy I've ever gone on a date with (that I know of), so I'll call him Divorced (see how clever I am?). I've enjoyed corresponding with him, but we don't have the same email connection I feel with AI. Still, I think we'll probably meet, and at the very least talk on the phone.

Ah, and a third guy, but he seems interested only in sex. I dunno if that's something I'm interested in. He wants to talk...we'll see.

--Cute Jewess

If Luck Be a Lady Tonight, then that lady is bitch-slapping me upside the head. Man, I just have no luck these days with the menfolk.

The guys I'm writing on Jdate are mostly not writing me back. But there was this one guy--I'll call him No Match--oh, I loved his profile! He was good-looking, seemed sincere and kind, and was in a profession I find fascinating. I emailed him, and I was so pleased to see that he wrote me back, asking to talk on the phone.

Ouch. What a tough conversation. Dude had no sense of humor, and we have absolutely nothing in common. We both agreed we were not meant for each other.

See? The one guy who writes back? No luck.

On the upside, the other day I got an email from an adorable guy. I clicked on his profile. Something had to be wrong with him, the way my track record is shaping up. But no--it's a profile I would have contacted myself. He seems pretty great. We've started a conversation, but odds are it'll go nowhere. Remember--I'm being bitch-slapped by Lady Luck.

Another cutie contacted me today, but he doesn't seem to be looking for anything serious. Will I write back? Sure, why not. No harm in an email. Another email I got today was from an illiterate older man calling me "Sweetie," professing that I was his angel. Yeah, that one I'm gonna just let go...

--Cute Jewess

Oy! Sometimes things don't seem fair. I don't have much time to write this, so I hope I do the story justice.

Last night I went out with Sporty, and I met the greatest guy. Oh, how I liked him! We started talking because, well, I was drunk. And thus bold. I had had 4 drinks, 2 of which were the strongest mojitos I think I've ever had. So Unfair Guy tells me his name, and it's such a "nice jewish boy" name, so I tell him so. Turns out he's Jewish. Around my age. Cute as anything. Even writing this makes me feel so disappointed...because this never happens to me! To flirt with the perfect guy! At a bar!

I said to him: If we're flirting like this, you better not have a girlfriend. He said: "I do. She's at home, sleeping."

He went on: "I love my girlfriend, but this is bad timing. Because you're cool, smart, and cute. I know how to find you, so remember my name. I might turn up in 3 months."

What a bummer is all I can say right now.

Except...I kinda screwed it up after that. Not that anything was going to happen anyway, but I have this tendency--especially when I'm drinking--to tease a guy. I don't know why I do it! Sometimes it comes off as flirty and coy, but sometimes it just seems obnoxious. And the thing is, I'm not bitchy at all! But it totally makes me seem bitchy. So at some point, I think he got offended and left. I have to remember to stop doing that!! Oh, the drink.

And oh, Unfair Guy. I liked you so.
-Cute Jewess

Today it looks like the family thing is not as bad as it initially seemed, so that's a relief, and I hope it's not a temporary one. Thanks for all your kind wishes. I hope things continue to improve. Fingers crossed!!!

Oy. The FAF sent me an email trying to cheer me up today. For the first time in ages, I wish he were around because I know it would be a comfort. I guess I just wish things were easier.

And I know I don't get to just wish that and--poof!--it happens. And I know that many, many millions of people are going through much more sh*t than I am. But still. I wish things were easier. And I'm allowed to wish it.

But I also believe things will get better soon.

--Cute Jewess

Lordy.
There were fun moments this weekend--like a long, boozy, dance-filled night with RH and some friends. RH and I haven't gotten to see each other much lately, and we had a blast.

But then yesterday...oy. Yesterday I got hit by two more blows, the worse of which is a family crisis. I'm having trouble dealing with the family thing, but I'm off to see Shrink tomorrow, so maybe that will help. I'm not going to write about any of that stuff here, though.

Loverville had invited me to a shindig for that day, which wound up having some lovely moments. But my mood was just too dark. My stomach tied itself in knots, and I was sure I was about to throw up at some point, and so I knew I had to leave.

I doubled over on my bed when I got home--my stomach was just a mess. And some tears were shed. The cat jumped up and started purring. He rubbed me with his little head. They just know.

Really, the family thing is at the forefront right now, and I'm dreading dealing with it. So...bear with me. I promise that I want my stories to become fun again more than you do.

Update: Ack! And on top of everything, I am having the worst cramps today. Will curl up in bed for the evening now.

--Cute Jewess