I'm in a funk. Should I write about all the things I'm in a funk about?
1) Drinks with Brill last night was depressing. Not seeing Brill--I love Brill--but basically everything else. First of all, I had no exciting news to share. No big developments over the past couple months to fill her in on. "I'm the same" somehow doesn't have quite a jolly ring to it.
Then there's her current predicament. She and her well-off fiance can't find an apartment they can afford in the city. They're looking for a 2-bedroom, 1-and-a-half bath. Reasonable, no? You'd think that's the least you need to settle down, start a family. At least, it's the least you'd want. "You have no idea what the prices are," Brill said. "No idea." So instantly, I started thinking how I'll never, ever be able to live in a decent apartment. Maybe even not in Brooklyn. Not the kind of apartment I'd want to live in.
Brill kept going on, until I couldn't bear it any longer. "Let's not talk about this," I said. She started to finish her sentence. "No--don't finish." She kept going. "Brill, if you love me, you won't finish your sentence." She kind of stopped then.
What next? Oh, she asked about the guys in my life, of course. And by the end of the night, she was saying "I'm worried about you."
2) Tonight's supposed to be Jackpot. I highly doubt it will happen. No confirmation yet, and he tends not to do personal correspondence at work. So what am I going to do--get all ready for the date and see if he calls me? Or just ignore the f*cker and sit on my couch all night?
3) Career. I've been working on a long-term project at work. I think it'll be successful, but I really, really can't be sure. In any case, it's going very slowly. And if it doesn't work out? I may have to look for a new career. What the hell would that be? I have no clue.
4) Wedding. One of my closest friends from college is getting married. In an expensive city that isn't this one. Will I be able to afford transportation/hotel along with gift? Not so much. Can I find a way? Dunno. But it's one more thing to worry about, and one more thing to despair that I can't afford. How fun is that?