I just logged onto Jdate for the first time in 3 days, got hugely bored, and came here instead.
There is drama in my life right now. Unnecessary drama being perpetrated by a friend whom I now know is my "frenemy." It seems like she's been harboring jealous resentment against me for months, and now decided to let it out in the most passive aggressive way--a group email--amongst all our mutual friends. Nice, huh?
Many of our mutual friends are now pissed at her for creating problems out of thin air and ruining a project we were all working on together. But it's been a big bummer, basically, to my already bummed out mood. This was someone I liked. Yes, she's moody and bitter. But she seemed to have a good heart and good intentions. Now I'm not so sure. Because she refuses to talk to me, I don't know if we'll resolve our issues. I'm thinking I don't even want to. The story is so long, and will involve many details I can't divulge (no matter what questions you may ask). But I'll try.
Background: Frenemy and I work in similar fields. She has had more of a struggle, while I have had more success. But I've given her lots of advice (only when she sought it out from me), that I know she's genuinely appreciated, and I've never been anything but super supportive. Here's the thing. She's also...oy. I hate to say this. But she's not a conventionally attractive woman. She's obese. She's got a stern expression. Several chins. Paired with what at times can be a surly, bitter personality. She's good at alienating people. Knowing this, I have always given her extra rope.
For instance, I first knew something was wrong between us a few months ago, when Frenemy, Sporty, Cheery Girl and I were having a fun dinner outing. Frenemy started to basically tell me she thought her work was more important/serious/valuable than mine, and that I've only had certain aspects of my success because this one guy thinks I'm cute. I can't tell you how condescending she sounded. Later, I would ask Sporty: Did I hear what I think I heard? Sporty was like: Um, yeah. But we decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. We agreed that her intentions couldn't have been bad. I let it slide.
Now, of late, Frenemy has twisted every single word out of my mouth as a personal attack. If I offered suggestions on the group project we were working on? She said I was trying to dictate everything. If I tried to make her feel better when she was down? I was lecturing. I only found all this out in a huge group email she sent to everyone about how I verbally attacked her. If you're wondering how my words can be so completely twisted and misunderstood, trust me, you're not alone. We're all wondering that.
The group started emailing each other (they would later tell me): What had they missed?
The answer was nothing. She was creating drama literally out of absolutely nothing. It is so frustrating to have someone put words into your mouth. AND, AND this was right after I'd seen Frenemy one-on-one for about an hour. She didn't say a word to me about being angry or upset. If she had? I would have been shocked, and I would have tried to figure how she could possibly misinterpret so much. Instead, she went home after hugging me good-bye, and wrote the email attacking me.
Our mutual friends all responded: WTF?
Sporty and Cheery Girl met with me that night and basically went to town on how unbearable Frenemy has been. How controlling she is. How they have to walk on eggshells around her. I told them: I would rather talk to Frenemy about this than discuss it behind her back. But she refuses.
Sporty looked me in the eye. "Don't you know you two are rivals?"
Me: "What? What would I have to be rivals with her about?"
Sporty: "You have what she wants."
In general, I'm getting better at not thinking everything is my fault. But with that comes a new level of anger in my life where there used to be guilt. Because I'm not stewing in anguish thinking "What could I have done to Frenemy?" instead I'm angry at her for going around thinking she's better than me, for picking fights, for ruining our fun group project.
The irony is that she's just so narcissistic. So while part of me would like to feel sorry for her, I can't. She thinks she's the best at everything and that the world just doesn't see it. I told Sporty, "But have you seen her work? Some of it's...just kind of blah." Sporty responded "If her work was as good as she thinks it is, she wouldn't need this attitude about it."
I've probably written too much here. I'm terrified someone in the group will find it. I've been too honest and open with my feelings. But when you can't talk to the person who's responsible for them? Well, I needed another outlet. So I'm taking my chances.