When talking about my dates, usually I avoid too much detail, just in case--however unlikely it may be--the dude in question finds the blog. This time? Let him find it.
Mr. Chill must be renamed: Cheap Ass Tacky Bastard, or any variation thereupon.
The location was fine--lovely scenery, nice hanging-out spot. But Cheap Ass starts the date by saying "I'll buy a round, then you buy a round." Truly? I thought he was joking. We sat with our drinks and had some decent conversation. He complimented my appearance and intelligence, and he was good enough company.
Tacky Bastard was ready for a drink before I was, and he's like, "You want another?" And I'm like, "I'm good for now." So he's like, "Well I'm ready for another, so let's go!" and I'm thinking--Why is he insisting I go with him to the bar? He buys himself a drink, and then he says, "Okay, but if you want another drink, you're paying for it." And I kept thinking he was joking.
But he kept trying to get me to buy him another drink. And in the meantime, he's saying how nice I look, how intelligent I am, etc. And I'm thinking, as you may have surmised, "You cheap ass tacky bastard."
After I realized he wasn't kidding, I was not so inviting. I called him out on it, too. I was like "No guy I've been on a date with in years has ever said: Okay, your turn to buy." And he's like, "That's how I roll! I don't buy drinks for girls. I don't buy drinks for my friends."
I had water for the rest of the date.
The kicker? This guy works in finance, lists himself in the highest echelon of Jdate's income level, and very likely makes at least five times what I do.
Here's the thing, guys. When a woman goes on a date, she invests. First of all, there's time. I guarantee you it takes longer for us to get ready than it does you. Secondly, cosmetics and hair product costs. Salon fees. Clothing and accessories. In general, if you want your lady date to look good--and don't say you don't care--then she is investing time and money into that date.
Which means at least at first, equalize the field by buying the drinks.
Ugh. I'm disgusted by this guy. The Tacky Ass.
--Cute Jewess
Back in the dating world. Oy.
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22 comments:
you win a prize for this one...one of the worst -- an outrageous guy who must have very few friends but makes fantastic blogging material. I may have met the kind of guy he's going to grow up to be, rude rich businessmen in their 60s ... that's his future.
Sounds like the perfect recipient for a Douche Card!
Ha, correct! If only I had the guts to actually give them out :)
What a jackass. Tacky is right. And for the record, I hate the phrase, "That's how I roll." I ended a date early 6 months ago when a guy said that to me. Ew.
I think "That's how I roll" can be cute when it's said humorously. Just not doucebaggily.
While I agree that this guy is an ass, I dont know if I buy all of what youre saying about all of these costs for a woman. Guys have to look nice too ya know. Plus a woman's time is no more valuable then a mans. We all want our dates to look good but this is not a break the bank kind of thing.
He should have bought you drinks that night. At the least maybe let you pay when you offered but no way should he have told you that you pay for your own drinks.
Nope, Jgo, you've missed the point. In New York at least, often times a woman will take 1.5-2 hours to get ready for a date. A dude? Half an hour. Our hair salon work is 3-4 times as expensive. Hair products, skin products, cosmetic products factor in. Clothes, shoes, purse will most times cost more than a man's oufit. Factor in pedicure. Waxing. AND women traditionally get paid less for the same amount of work. So no, it's not the same for a guy to "look nice." Not at all.
If you want a hairy date with dry scraggly hair, bad clothes, and no makeup? Then you can say it's the same amount of time/effort/investment.
But trust me--a couple drinks doesn't even dent the difference between date investments.
I totally agree with you on this one, CJ! A true gentleman--like my boyfriend, for example--will pay for the first date (and the next several dates after that) and will decline if a woman tries to offer to pay. I've been with my guy almost a year and it's still difficult for him to let me pay for things once in awhile even if I insist. So I don't blame you for writing off this guy. He is TRULY a CHEAP TACKY ASS BASTARD!!
I would like to note that traditional etiquette dictates that the person who asks for a date should pay for the date. Since he asked you out, he should have paid for your drinks. If he was a struggling grad student, I would have cut him some slack, but since he is an investment banker he has absolutely no excuse for his poor manners.
Best of luck to you!
Ewww! Tacky Dumb Ass, I'm correcting your name! ;)
Well, at least the date left you with a good post. Grr! What a jerk.
Better luck next time!
CJ.. with all of your dating activity, you may want to scale down the preparation period. I was quite the dater in my day, and I could certianly look great in 30 minutes or so, without spending a fortune on products and treatments. Frankly, a guy should not have to pay extra because his girlfriend/date requires more time and money to look decent. If I was the guy and that was the argument, I would run for the hills and look for lower maintanance.
That being said, I still expect a guy to pay on the first date. I always offered to pay but was slightly repulsed if the guy took me up on it.
I agree with your conclusion but totally disagree with your reasoning.
But I'm not talking about a personal level. This may be a very NYC thing, but what's expected of women vs. men in terms of all you need to do to "get ready" to go out and be considered desireable is so lopsided that yes, I think the field should be evened a bit. There are many, many women in this city who dress themselves up/groom themselves much more than I do. And there are guys who will only date those women.
There will always be exceptions, of course. But I'm speaking on a larger scale than just myself.
Wow, that dude fit into my number two pet peeve: Cheapness.
Disgusting, especially when he can afford something as piddly as a drink for his date. I've dated broke dudes who have bought me drinks. He has nerve!
CJ, with all that preparation, you forgot the cardinal rule...the woman's right to snub a man. This is the perfect instance where you could have easily ended the date and said Good Night after he announced his cheap intentions.
There is no way you should have put up with this if he has the money to really be considerate.
BF--Agreed. But I kept thinking he was joking...once I figured he wasn't, the date didn't last too long, trust me.
Yes, CJ is correct. I dno't care how beautiful you think you are, in this culture in this city, IT JUST TAKES LONGER. sorry, it's true. AND I can speak from experience, that CJ in person does not appear to have spent any time at all getting ready---it looks very natural; however, it's not. You just can't be presumptuous when it comes to different people's getting ready protocol.
CJ-- you forgot what some women need to factor into getting ready costs: a couple homemade Grey Goose and tonics! :D
This dude is a douche with a capital FREAK... what a misleading profile! I thought he seemed darling but obvy I was duped. :(
RH, thanks babe! I try not to look overly made up, it's true, but I still take pains. AND I can say from experience that your makeup is always fabu and gorgeous. As is Best Friend's. And Loverville's.
Hey. We're a sexy bunch, gals, aren't we? :)
Douche with a capital Freak may be my new term, thanks Loverville!
The guy is cheap all right, but there are plenty of cheap women out there who won't offer to help with dating costs even after 3 or 4 dates. Just as tacky.
^^ Walt, hey, what up?
here's the rule,if you ASK the person out, you PAY for the date.
It's so so simple. We aren't friends, and if after 3 or 4 dates we're becoming more intimate, we're talking a lot and upping an emotional ante, then yes, as a friend and lover, I may help.
but come on, how cheap are you that paying for dates is now something to argue about? And only after date 3 or 4? Yeesh.
That's a bogus "rule", because men are supposed to do the asking, so that's just another way of saying the man should always pay. A good date can cost well over $100, so this is not a minor issue.
I've been on lots and lots of dates. In a majority of cases the woman offers to help pay on the first date (I always decline, but appreciate the fact that she offered). Most also offer to help on subsequent dates, and by the 3rd or 4th date I may accept. So, since most women are good about it, why should I bother with the cheapos who never offer? You women don't like guys who are just after sex. Well we guys don't like women who are just after a free dinner and night on the town.
If I'm dating someone, and we have a connection, and the dating and whathaveyou is going well, then I will be asking YOU on dates as well, and will be paying.
So your point to me is null and void. If you're dating freeloaders, you'll know it by date numero uno. It shouldn't take you three dates.
Also, everyone, you don't have to take your date to Nobu to impress them, and if you can't afford to date, then don't. I know men who just won't date until they have their monetary situation together. Sorry, but women have pressure to be beautiful, men have pressure to be financially together.
I had someone who was just starting their career take me on a date where we went to the musuem for a specific exhibit, and caught a cheap dinner. It's really about the person and how nice it is and how interesting they can make a date. It isn't always about the money.
I am in full agreement with CJ. The man must pay; he is, after all, the gentleman. BUT! Ladies, don't expect us to fork over $100 plus on a first date, if we're still in the "Let's-see-if-there's-any-chemistry-here" phase. That would be unfair. Unless you REALLY hit it off on the email/phone, I belive that coffee is fine for that first date.
But this guy was way over the top. When he said "That's how I roll," you should have countered with this gem:
"Really? Well this is how I roll." Then you stand up, spin on your heel, and let him watch that cute ass of yours march out the door.
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