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Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Oy. I'm stuck in the odd position of really not wanting to talk about it. But also having OS on my mind like a weight that won't be shaken. So what to do? I haven't really been talking about it to friends because it feels painful right now, and I tend to avoid painful things.

You may think I'm overreacting, and I probably am, but what can I do? How can I just dismiss feelings that are there whether I want them to be or not?

Just when I think things are entirely over, he throws me a bone. An email. He lost his phone. Contact is hard. But why isn't he emailing me, then, to say if we're having our date this week or not? It's such a neither here nor there excuse, and yet he's also not cutting ties yet. I feel entirely in limbo.

All reason and sense says to just end things. Just let him go myself. It used to be so fun. I was so giddy and happy when he was being so sweet and attentive. It isn't fun right now. I'm not giddy. In fact, I'm feeling rather despairish. Enough to create my own adjectives.

So I know what the logical thing to do is. I know he's not as into me as he once was. I know every bit of advice you could throw at me, and in fact I would probably give it to me myself.

But what can I say? I'm not ready to give him up yet. I'm just not ready yet. And so I'm in a sad, limbo-y, despairish mood right now, wishing so hard that things could go back to the way they were a couple weeks ago.

--Cute Jewess

6 comments:

mimi of sexagenarian and the city said...

it's very, very hard to get oneself out of the habit of feeling that kind of dependence, but if the pattern recurs, then it must be broken. i wish i could tell you how to do it, how to break that dependence on phone calls, hearing from 'him,' whoever he may be, etc. or maybe the issue is this, how to make sure that such dependence is directed to a worthy object, which OS clearly is not. even if the habit can't be broken altogether, it can be minimized. it's always helpful to get angry...but if you can't, then try to stand back and think of other times you felt this way, and how you felt later, when you realized the guy was just not worth the trouble at all. OS was good fling material...but it's hard to categorize him that way at this point, i know.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry. I hate it when you can feel a relationship dying.

You won't like this this but I think you should make plans for this weekend that don't include him. Get out of town, leave your phone with a friend and don't check your email.

Single Girl said...

I just don't understand all of the despair! Why do you think things are headed so downhill? Because he isn't as attentive? But you say he has reasons for this? I'm confused!!

Dating Trooper - Dating is Warfare said...

I'm somewhere between Anonymous and SingleGirl - best to take your mind off it and take care of yourself, yet don't get ahead of yourself in the doomsday department either. What if you just straight out ask him what he's thinking (without being all dramatic about it)?

Heather said...

Hugs!!!

Anonymous said...

I think as girls who are dating in the city we tend to be very pessimistic about men. I sometimes feel this way in my relationship. That is when i send a text saying “are we ok"? He usually responds with "yes" and “ why.” That opens the line of communication. My point is don't create a preemptive strike when you don't really know what’s going on.