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Thursday, June 14, 2007

Every once in a while, I'll come across a Jdate profile that makes me want to hurl. I think, therefore, that I will start a new category of occasional posts called "Oh, Shut. Up." I'm not a big fan of pretentious sounding language (as you may have picked up on :) ). If your profile's language makes me cringe? I don't care how cute you are. Nuh-uh, homey. Case in point:

This guy's pretty darn cute. For that reason, I clicked on his picture. Soon after, I was prompted to exclaim, Oh, Shut. Up. Some quotes for you from this hurltastic profile:

"While debating 'real' issues can be stimulating, I can't help but be very jovial. I love to laugh and make others laugh harder! Life is too short to ponder indefinitely over curiosity and desire."

"The date will be an exploration of two minds that know little about each other. The location will be unique with much character and aesthetic appeal. The depth of the connection will be apparent, sending chills up and down each other's spine. The conversation will be meaningful and deep, along with a subtle flirtation accenting our words."

His ideal relationship? "Pure stimulation of mind, body, and soul will exist perpetually."

Who is he looking for? "I am looking for a woman with whom I can dance an ever lasting adventure."

Guys, every once in a while you'll ask me what to write in your profiles. Hell if I know. But take a tip from Cute Jewess, this is definitely what not to write.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some pondering over curiosity and desire to take care of before tonight's dance of ever lasting adventure.

--Cute Jewess

11 comments:

Jody said...

I agree, definitely a "hurltastic" profile! Makes you want to scream "Get over yourself!" Thank God my boyfriend's profile wasn't like that! Have fun tonight!

Dating Trooper - Dating is Warfare said...

Wow, such a stellar vocabulary and innate sense of grammar! I bet a date with him would be STIMULATING! Better bring your dictionary....or better yet, a barf bag.
Have a great weekend CJ!

Heather said...

ROFLMAO!!! That is classic!

Sanani said...

Thanks for that post. In addition to giving me a good laugh, it made me feel much more attractive. :-)

a&v said...

Oh no kidding! It sounds like he wrote the thing with a thesaurus. His ideal relationship is what especially gets my gag reflex going. Wow, perpetually?

JSB said...

Any chance you'll spill the beans and give us the screenname of this jdater extraordinaire?. Make my $40 a month membership (cause this time I'm only doing it for a month, I swear) worth it. Can we get a hint?

Cute Jewess said...

Hmmmm, jsb, how 'bout this. If this blog coughs up enough dough for me to add a Match.com subscription to the budget, then I'll spill the beans.

I'm not allowed to say how that can happen, but it's easy!

Shoshana said...

I think I went out with that guy! His first e-mail to me was so pretentious and pseudo-intellectual that I could barely figure out what he was trying to say. Ugh.

MARFSBABY said...

yah, that made me throw up in my mouth a bit. He probably took it all word for word off the back of a romance novel. You know, the ones with "maidens, tarts and throbbing manhoods".

Anonymous said...

This kind of profile is symptomatic (to an extreme, of course) of the fantasy nature of the whole online dating thing. He is writing about a fantasy that exists inside his head. (He happens to need serious help with both his writing and his jerkiness, but those are separate points.)

I think this is one reason why it is so hard to find a successful and real relationship online. The medium encourages starting with a fantasy, not with reality.

Unless it's a way he screens in gullible girls.

acaligurl said...

he may be just trying to weed out some gals.he maybe trying to be funny and witty and sarcastic. you should respond.
"are you for real". depending on the way he answers he might be a possibility.