I'm not sure if I did the right thing--in fact, I'm pretty sure I didn't--but I've already agreed with myself that I'm not going to waste my time being anguished about it. At least not anymore. So there.
Oh, he was just so very hot.
And that's how it all started.
Last night, I was at a birthday dinner for a friend of RH's who has become my friend, too. We love Birthday Girl. She rocks. Dinner was at a long table with a suprising number of people (say, 10? Maybe more?). Birthday Girl (BG)'s cousin was at the other end of the table from me. Oh, my God he was hot, as I told BG after I met him. "Everybody says that," she responded.
I was determined. I would flirt with Hot Cousin. That was my goal, plain and simple--my only goal! Continuing the trend of Real Live Guys, and actually being able to talk to them. Charmingly! Appealingly! Flirtatiously! I mean, I've gotten so much better in so little time. (By the way: I was wearing the Tiny Dress from Tuesday. The one I met Smooch Boy in. I may have a new Magic Dress.)
And so--you would be so proud of me!--I started flirting with Hot Cousin from far across the table. He'd say something, and I'd challenge him archly. A sarcastic back and forth. I made him laugh, and he has a big, cute laugh. RH was across the table from me, inches away. But within lip-reading sight of Hot Cousin. So I texted her, right there in front of her: "Um can BG's cousin lick me?" I was joking. Or at least, I thought I was, I swear. In any case, RH agreed--Hot Cousin was damn sexy.
Oh, and let's not forget. Hot Cousin's nephew was also at this dinner, BG's other cousin. He was twenty-two. He figured I was 23 or 24. As soon as dinner was over and we were walking to the next destination, he tried to flirt me up and even put his arm around me. (Tiny Dress has magic powers!) "Ain't gonna work, kid," I said to him. He wouldn't believe my real age until I showed him my ID. What's more? Hot Cousin thought I was about 24 too--until we got to my apartment. That would have made him fifteen years older than I. He would have been fine with that. Me? Probably not so much. But his age was one of the reasons I was drawn to him. The last time I had a fling with an older, incredibly hot man, it was so good. So very good. And last night could have been great too, in different circumstances. Hmmm, I've lost the linear flow of the story now, haven't I? I told you Real Live Guys take up a helluva lot of writing space!
After Kid Cousin realized he wasn't getting anywhere with the older woman (me!), I held back a bit and started walking with Hot Cousin. It was a longish walk to our next joint, but I don't even remember it. I'd had quite a bit of wine. Man, if I were uncontrolled about my drinking, I'd be a bit worried right now. Basically, Hot Cousin was saying very suggestive things, and I was fending them off. Keep dreaming, buddy, I'd tell him (well, that was the gist at least.) I want to see your body, he'd say. Yeah, that's not gonna happen, I'd shoot back. But I realize now: I'd challenged him. I'd had a bit of attitude going on. I think that was the beginning of knowing what might happen.
But the very beginning. I wanted to kiss him, maybe. I figured I'd get him going a bit, but then leave him wanting more. So at that point, I guess I was willing to be a tease. (Um, who is this writing to you?)
But then we got to Destination 2. And, well, hours passed spent with Hot Cousin, and just Hot Cousin. Later, he'd say we had a connection. I started asking myself: Could I have a one night stand with this very hot guy?
Flash back to when I was actually 24 years old. That's when I met HGIESW (Hottest Guy I've Ever Slept With.) He was 9 years older than I. He was crazy, sexy, hot. He'd eyed me up and down right away (according to Best Friend--I was oblivious). He'd be my first (and pretty much only!) fling. And the hottest experience of that kind I've ever had. Could HC be that guy for me too? I was agonizing over it. On the one hand: I don't do this! I don't take men home with me upon first meeting them! Or second meeting them for that matter. Stick to your guns, CJ. You have a code of behavior for yourself, and this ain't it.
On the other hand: If I didn't invite HC home with me--as he seemed to think I was going to do, despite whatever protests I made--would I regret it?
And that's what got me. Would some code of behavior--some arbitrary set of rules I keep for myself--would that lead me to regret not letting go and just having fun? What would really be so bad about inviting this hot guy home with me? Code of behavior vs. possible regret. That went around my head over and over. I was truly torn.
Boy, this story's gotten long, huh? I need some more coffee. Maybe some Tylenol. So will HC turn out to be another truly memorable night of passion? Or something...completely different? More later...