Sunday, June 10, 2007

So the story keeps spinning. Missed part 1? Catch up here.

Around 2 AM, I'd made up my mind. I would let myself go. I'd have a little fun. There'd be no bad consequences. HC was trying to do naughty things to me right there in the club. I was not letting that happen. Hand slides under the dress? Slap hand away. Boy, he said some suggestive things to me. And yeah, it was kind of hot.

By 3 AM we were on our way to my place. It had not been an easy decision. I'd spent some time with my head in my hands, agonizing. But I didn't want to regret letting him go. I didn't want to wake up feeling like a prude and wondering why I'm not taking advantage of what's supposed to be a fun, guy-filled time in my life--for perhaps the first and last time ever. I broke up with the FAF about 7 months ago. I've been intimate with 2 guys since then (GL and SS)--but I hadn't had sex with anyone else. How long could I keep that up?

You'd laugh if you'd seen me and HC at my apartment when we first got there. By then, I was pretty sober. He was really not. I slipped my nightie over my dress, then took off the dress underneath. He was pretty impressed by that. "How'd you do that!?" Letting go of some details, let's just say it took a while for the nightie to make its exit. Then, finally, I let HC do things. It was not bad. Those skilled older men, with their tight bodies, smooth muscular chests. Yum.

We'd agreed beforehand that we weren't going to have sex. I'd had that talk with GL, too, on the one night I spent at his place. But when GL changed his mind mid-way through, I told him tough crap. We'd agreed--not going there. When HC changed his mind? (And come on, don't the guys always change their minds? Why make the resolution to begin with!?) I'd gone this far. I'd decided not to regret. I went to the drawer where I knew the "Larges" were kept, and I gave him one.

Let's just say it was brief. Very brief. Started okay, could have been amazing, I think, but well...why don't I just tell you in dialogue? "This never happens to me." "It's not you." "I can get it back." I guess Hot Cousin's Mister Friendly wasn't feeling too friendly.

I was disappointed. This was my first foray into flingdom post-FAF? Meh. But then it got worse. Pretty cringeworthy, actually.

"I think I know what it is," HC said, looking me in the eye. "I've started dating this girl..."

Me: What?!

Him: And I think I have feelings for her.

Me, glaring angrily: You're telling me this now?

Him: I guess I didn't know before.

I got out of bed, put my nightgown on, and headed to the bathroom. In truth, I felt tears coming. I'm not sure why. Granted, I tear up pretty easily. Any unexpected or powerful emotion I feel--any at all--brings me to tears. It's something I dislike about myself, but something I've never been able to control. The result of a lifetime of holding things in? Quite possibly. But what am I going to do?

"You're upset," HC said. "I never meant to upset you."

"You've made me into someone I never wanted to be," I said, tears rolling down my cheeks.

He didn't understand.

"I'm not a cheater," I told him. "And I don't help other people cheat."

HC protested. He and this girl hadn't had the "exclusivity" discussion yet. He was still a "free man." Ugh, I felt awful. He kept talking. "Do you think I'm a jerk? You think I'm a jerk. But I'm not a jerk."

"I think you're a guy," I said dryly.

And then HC became one in a long line (the last was SS) of men who have poured their hearts out to me. I'm a good listener, yes, and I don't tend to open up with my own issues too easily, so for whatever reason, guys love to just "open up" to me and "be totally honest," to use HC's words. I heard all about his recent divorce. About what didn't work in the relationship. About meeting someone new--but how crazy to jump into another relationship so soon. "I don't sleep around," he told me. "I really don't."

"Yeah, well neither do I."

"So how'd I slip through?" he asked. "Isn't this great, though? Don't you appreciate that I'm being completely honest with you? How many adult, honest conversations have you had like this?"

"Plenty," I let him know. "After all, we're adults." He, apparently, had not been accustomed to being so open and honest. Well, you don't say.

I didn't kick HC out, as he thought I would do. I let him sleep--and good Lord snore--next to me until he got up in the slightly-less-wee hours of the morning, with a raging hangover. I got him water and Tylenol, because I am nice and caring. The kitty rubbed against his legs. (The kitty tends to hate guys! Liked this one, go figure.) And then he was gone. I went back to sleep.

So how do I feel today? Jeez, I don't even know. Disappointed that my night of passion didn't turn out so passionate? Easily duped by such a "typical guy" (she writes, rolling her eyes at herself)? I didn't get what I wanted. And I guess that never feels too great, huh?

--Cute Jewess

P.S. He also left the seat up three times and the cap off my toothpaste. What did he have to do, commit every stereotypical guy sin in one night? Very nice.


Anonymous said...

oh MY god. The comments are going to ravish your inbox i'm sure, after this story.

oh my GOD.

seeeee..... this is why i get so irked when people say that being single is "so much fun". shit like this just ain't that much fun.

Doesn't this guy know, that "real honesty" would have been being upfront about this before hand, not when his pants were down?? THAT'S when he realized he liked another girl?? When he had his pants down?? Holy thinking-with-your-dck batman.

girl, i am sorry. but whatever. you rocked that evening anyhow, and you went for it, risks and all. you went for it. that's all that matters. you'll be fine!


adorable and ready said...

Ugh...I am so mad at him. This sounds weird but there is this new song out "like a boy." It depicts the mail mind to a tee. By the way, was he embarrassed and maybe making it up?

Heather said...

Oy vey. I'm sorry CJ. This totally sucks!

But, I think you did real well! It was an experience alright...but it could have been so much worse! So, pat yourself on the handled it well!


Jody said...

I know you don't like "assvice", especially from me, but you should have kicked him out as soon as he made his revelation. You were waaay too nice! But I do understand you were just trying to have fun; I've been there, believe me.

Loverville said...

Oh man... if it makes you feel any better, you'll be laughing about this soon enough!

If these guys only knew what good blog content they were giving us... oy.

Cute Jewess said...

Jody, the assvice thing was SS specific, not a generality. Somewhere along the line my writing "I don't want to hear advice about SS" became interpreted as "You can't write anything negative about me because I'm insecure" by the internet masses.

Yeah, I tend to publish the negative comments so I can retort to them if I so choose. I find that rather fun! I just didn't feel like clarifying the whole thing back then because the irony was that I was secure enough to not care if people thought I was insecure :)

sophie said...

That totally sucks, the guys was a ahole.
But just a reminder, not bringing a guy home that you met that same night DOES NOT MAKE YOU A PRUDE. There is nothing wrong with meeting a real live guy out, flirting, smooching, than going home. Honestly, that is the way it should be.

Anonymous said...

Triple amen to what Sophie just said.

And, man oh man.... If these guys only knew how blogged their asses were going to be the next day!

HAHAHA, you totally got him back!

Dating Trooper - Dating is Warfare said...

Consider this a small skirmish marked by defeat, but by no means a significant one. Frankly, you were FAR nicer than I ever could have been in such a scenario - he would have been on the street with his underwear in his hand before he knew what hit him!

Just the thought that he was expecting some sort of pat on the back for being so "open and honest" AFTER he got you naked...and ONLY because he couldn't get it up. Lame!
But you really should pat yourself on the back for at least having the initial attitude of letting go and having fun. Too bad it was with a guy who has a dick with a conscious. Maybe next time, CJ!
Chin up...

Jody said...

OK, CJ, now I understand. No hard feelings?

Cute Jewess said...

Nope--hard feelings aren't the spirit of this blog!

(Hmmm, they're ESPECIALLY not the feeling of Hot Cousin, eh?)

Jody said...


e.b. said...

OMG that is a crazy story. Good for you for giving it a chance though.... it had potential for fun!

jgo said...

I think when you want something, you should go for it like you did. So props to you on that. Sorry that it didnt turn out so well. Keep on keeping on as they say.

madgirl said...

1. Always cry if you feel like it. It's a great stress reliever.

2. That dude had whiskey dick, and unfortunately, you were the recipient. Or maybe he had WMD...a Weapon of Mass Disappointment.

3. I hope you tell HC's cousin how lousy in the bed he was...and why didn't he offer to just sleep it off and come to attention in the morning? WMD and lazy to boot?

You're completely better off! BOO on HC!

acaligurl said...

wow! thats a story. what an ending... or lack of. he wants kudos for being honest? only after he couldn't get it up? pity the "girlfriend' 'cause i bet he isn't honest with her when it comes to you.

Sanani said...

So Hot Cousin was all mouth and no trousers... good for you for doing what you wanted and not second-guessing yourself. If he hadn't been quite so drunk it sounds like it would have been a lot of fun.

I must say, I like the term "whiskey dick." Gotta remember that one!

RH said...

It is a disappointment that you didn't get what you want, but honestly, I am really glad you took a risk. The thing is, all the excitement of the fun anticipation of what might happen---I promise is worth immeasurably more than the disappointment of not getting what you wanted. The feeling of regret that comes along with the decision to pussy out and NOT take the risk.... man that is so much worse. That, sadly, can sometimes last a lifetime.

Plus, think of how boring the post would've been. "Dinner. Dancing in a hot sweaty place. Went home and got a good night's sleep."

And to boot, CJ, homeboy WAS hot.

MATCHinform said...

are you planning a book? your style and prose are already in that format and your fan-base demonstrates interest. regardless, thanks for the entertainment during my lunch break.

Cute Jewess said...

Matchinform: A book? Looks like I'm just givin' it away for free. Blog slut that I am.