Thursday, August 02, 2007

Alright, so I know. Finally, I know. And I have NO IDEA how to end things with Darky. HELP.

Last night was our first "private" date, at his place. I had been looking forward to it, as I have all our dates. He is still a sweetheart. We still have fun together. But the chemistry is just missing. We'd kissed before, but last night we full on made out. And it was not so good. Homeboy needs to work on his technique. At one point I think he was trying to clean my teeth with his tongue. All tongue, no lips. And when I tried to throw more lip into the kissing, I was basically kissing his outstretched tongue. So instead of thinking "Hmmm, this is getting hot," as a gal would like to think while making out with a dude, I was instead thinking "Really? That's what you're going to do? This is how you kiss? For real?"

Then we cuddled, which was great. He's so loving. The neck kissing? Fine. Shoulder kissing? Lovely. But I've got to stop it now before it goes any further. Already, I don't know how to do it. I'm just stumped! I mean, instead of "the talk," which I thought he might bring up, there was "the bad kissing." And what dude wants to start a talk when he's getting something?

So, now I have a feeling that any hesitations he had about my mixed messages are satisfied. He thinks I'm more into him now, because I went to his place. But really, I was just trying to figure out if we had chemistry. I thought being more physical with him would clue me in. And it did. But now...oh, I can't even bear to think about what I'll say!

How do you break up with a guy when he's not expecting it?! What should I say?
Oh, I hate this.

--Cute Jewess

P.S. Meanwhile, Smooch Boy's out of town on business, but still sent me such a sweet email yesterday. I'll likely see him when he returns.


Jenn said...

Be honest. Every time I have ever been fully honest with a guy, or a guy has been fully honest with me, it provides the most closure and the biggest relief. Just tell him, you really like spending time with him - cause you do - but that you feel like the something extra or the x-factor is just missing for you. He can't argue with that...the hardest part is initiating the conversation! Good luck!

Eve said...

Exactly what Jenn said is the best way to do it. That's the way I do it with every guy, it is over quickly and you feel so much better afterwards and you don't leave him hanging. Just pick up the phone, call him and say, Darky, I've given it some thought, and while I do like you, I just don't feel that chemistry that I need to feel with a guy and I wish I did with you because you are a great guy. But unfortunately that's not something that you can make happen, it's either there or it isn't. I am so sorry, but I thought you should know the truth. Then if you actually want to be friends with him, say so now, if not, then at the beginning of the shpiel say that you don't think you guys should see each other anymore, because...
Sadly, I've done this many times, and the majority of the times, the guys thank me for being honest and say they understand we wish each other luck.

jgo said...

First of all you did nothing wrong. It is absolutely necessary to test the chemistry. Even if you finally figured out that this was a no when you were at his place, no one would have expected you to tell him then and there. That's such a hard thing to admit: We just made out and I'm not feeling it. No one would say that. I think the women gave you good advice. Ive been told the same thing many times. When a girl says that to me, I think shes just not attracted to me. But really it's the best thing to say.

Hypothetical: Lets say you were really into a guy and when you made out with him, it was bad like this situation. Would you dump him because a bad kisser is hopeless or would you try to teach him and adapt him to what you like. Remember, in this hypothetical, you were very into him.

jgo said...

PS - This particular session of making out sounds particularly bad. How old is this Darky? Do you think he has very little experience with the ladies? How could someone be that clueless?

Best Friend said...

^^ Yeah, what these two said! :)

Just tell him tactfully. Don't wait around either. It's best to be nice and honest about it as soon as you know.

Also, if he was expecting this, then why would he have kept on dating you? No one would expect this, that's why you gotta act fast and let him. GETERDONE, baby!

Heather said...

oy vey. i think everyone gave good advice. don't think i could do much better especially considering i don't have experience in this area.
Good luck!


Cute Jewess said...

jgo, I am not a fan of hypotheticals because of all the variables you don't get to consider. But I know a few ladies who draw the line at bad kissing no matter what.

And yes, Darky was old enough to know better.

Best Friend said...

if I'm attracted to someone, and they are a bad kisser, then I'm no longer attracted to you.

Kissing is too intimate. Even if the "things and stuff" is not that good, you can teach and mold that. But Kissing.... wow. I'm not teaching you that.

I'm one of those who draws the line. I too have tried to see what if...didn't work. The guy could sense it and it pissed him off. So I'm on the honesty bandwagon, with Even and Jenn.

jgo said...

Hey hey hey... I hate bad kissers too. I was just posing a hypothetical. Ive never tried teaching a bad kisser. From my experiences, a bas kisser is usually completely naive and innocent and inexperienced.

Dating Trooper - Dating is Warfare said...

Yeah, honest and to the point. You have to. But it freakin' kills me how women are the ones who burden ourselves with the duty of letting the guy down civilly. Men tend to just....STOP CALLING and blow you off. Yet we feel the need to give closure to the situation (whether it's to be kind, for our own peace of mind or, like I suspect, a little bit of both). I have one friend who says she knows she doesn't have to break up with them so courteously (like most men don't) but she does it because of karma. I know I couldn't live with myself if I just disappeared on a guy. But damn, sometimes it's pretty tempting compared to the whole, "We need to talk..." scenario. I've written about this a bit in my blog (see The Invisible Man entry from March 3 or here:
Good luck with your humanitarian breakup CJ!

jody said...

I agree with everyone, just rip off that bandage and get it over with and move on! Life's too short to be with someone you're not all that into! I'm ashamed to admit I dated my last boyfriend 3 1/2 years and he was a TERRIBLE kisser! However, I never told him how I felt because I was afraid to hurt his feelings and I put up with it because I was attracted to other attributes. Luckily, my current beau is an AMAZING kisser and it really DOES make a difference!