Thursday, August 23, 2007

Today, I hate dating. Hate it. Stupid dating.

Oh, blog reader people. I am confused. About more than you might imagine. It's not going how I'd like with either Car Guy or Big Smile. One is not affectionate or attentive enough. One is coming on too strong. One won't hug. The other won't get the hell off me.

I'll start with Big Smile. He didn't email or text yesterday, which is a horrible sign. Granted, I know it was going to be his busiest day at work all year, but he could have shot over an email at least, you would think. Sucks. He's the first guy since the FAF that I could imagine being exclusive with. So...really sucks.

As to Car Guy...oy. I think I have to end it. At least, I think I think I have to end it. As I expected, there was "alone time" on our third date. My head was as busy as my hands. First, I thought--yup, he's one of those. By which I mean the dudes who think kissing is sticking out your tongue and rolling it around endlessly. Do women like this? I don't. But the kissing got better. He responded to what I wanted, and soon it was just fine. As to the "other stuff," I gotta say, I was impressed. He's better at pleasuring a lady than most men--including Big Smile. So, yay for Car Guy. I started thinking--hey, maybe I'll keep this one around for a while. But then it was my turn, and I just...wasn't feeling it. I knew I wasn't going to sleep with him, but all of the sudden, I just wanted to stop altogether. I didn't want to be in that situation with him. We kind of did stop. But I'll keep the rest of the details to myself.

So...why? Was it because I'm turned off by Car Guy's body? Because, in truth, I think I am. I find his face very attractive. His bod not so much. He's big. He's sweaty. I don't like his feet. Or was it because my "heart," so to speak, is somewhere else? Maybe I can't be physical with two guys at once (and no not literally "at once"). I don't know. But my gut is saying that I don't want to keep seeing Car Guy.

This pretty much sucks. Because he's ready to have a relationship wtih me. Ready to plan trips. He's talking about us like we're at the start of something long-lasting. If this were Big Smile saying these things? I'd be thrilled to bits. But Car Guy saying them makes me feel uncomfortable.

So, for today, I am not a fan of dating. Today, I think dating is dooky. And the boy I like should like me back, and the boy I don't like as much should have slowed his ass down.

Thankfully, these low days are rare lately. I can't say I'll return to sunny Cute Jewess right away...especially if I don't hear from BS...but I can say that I hope to.

--Cute Jewess


jgo said...

I can tell you want things to work out with BS. I think you need to just play it cool with him. I know you want him to call, email, txt, whatever but dont smother him like Car Guy is doing to you. Maybe he doesnt move as fast as you want him to. Maybe sex is not some huge deal and in his mind he's still getting to know you and taking things slow. Dont fuck it up in the early stage because if things go well and he does get there, then you could end up having a great relationship.

As speculated in previous posts, he also might be just not that into you. But what if he is and just likes to take things slow? Have you discussed past relationships at all? Does he online date a lot? Is he a big dater/juggler like you or does he concentrate on one? Has he had long relationship or short ones? Answers to these questions might give you clues as to where he is with things. Has he dropped any clues for you yet?

BTW, youre not giving us big guys much hope here with your description of being turned off by Car Guy. You had no problem accepting pleasure from him but you couldnt return the favor? That wasnt so nice? You should be lucky to find a guy who is super attentive to a girl's needs.

Cute Jewess said...

jgo, I've already started laying off BS, so I'll see how he responds. He's not a huge online dater--not sure if he's a juggler. He's had 2 long term relationships.

As to Car Guy, I can't say I didn't return the favor. I said I didn't *want* to--which is unusual for me. But he wound up more demonstrably satisfied than I in the end.

I agree--it's very lucky to find a guy who's attentive to a girl's needs. But what can I do? I keep fit. I eat right. I tend to be attracted to the same thing in a dude. BS isn't ripped--he's got a bit of a paunch even. But he's not large, soft, and lopey--and sweaty--like Car Guy.

Also, I'm sorry, but I've heard soooooooo often from dudes that they won't date "bigger" women. And they tell me this like I'll think it's okay because I'm not overweight. Like it's okay because they're "just being honest." Am I supposed to be flattered by that? Let's just make sure we don't go double-standard here.

And let's imagine--what if I, like Car Guy, had the extra pounds--would he want to be with *me* then? He was very complimentary about my figure. Which is always nice to hear--but let's not assume that *he'd* date a gal w/ extra weight.

I wouldn't say that I won't date a dude with extra pounds. I'm saying this particular dude wasn't doing it for me.

jgo said...

Sounds like you havent discussed anything serious with the guy yet. BS probably is out of touch with the whole nyc dating thing having been in two LTRs and probably just takes things slow. Like I said, hopefully patience will be good to you here... Im hoping for you.

You use a lo of interesting words... what does lopey mean? I agree though, swaety is kind of gross.

Isnt starting something off with "I'm sorry, but" the same as what you commented about "no offense." Really Im just teasing you. You are right about what most dudes say. Guys probably care more about this stuff then girls do.

I tend to date medium to big women though. Except the person Im seeing right now is skinnier then my usual so Im all self conscious about it. I guess thats where my comment came from.

I'm weird... in that I kind of like a belly on a girl. But I know im not in the norm.

So with CG, is it just looks? From what youre saying you like everything else about him. He's attentive, affectionate, interesting, etc. Or is there more to it then that?

Cute Jewess said...

My "I'm sorry" was meant more as a "don't try to get away with this" rather than an actual "forgive me."

It's more than looks for sure. I started souring on him when his phone conversations didn't feel right to me--somehow my interest was fading as we spoke. Maybe it's also because he's come on too strong. Hell, maybe it's mostly because I like another dude.

I don't know all the why's.

red head said...

JGo I'm with you, I like a little more meat on the bones, too, yet I am dating a guy who is the thinnest dude I've ever dated, so I'm more sensitive to CJ's comments, too! ha that's funny. But CJ, really don't take offense--it's so not your fault and you put it very eloquently when you've brought it up. You were not offensive at all, JGo and I are probably just sensy to it b/c of our currentn situations.

Having said that just b/c it's coincidentally humorous, CJ I think you know what you need to do. It sounds like you're ready for what Car Guy has to offer, but you just are not feeling him. If he is starting to talk about things he wants to do with you in the future, you GOTTA cut it off for him. Esp if at times you go so far as to say you feel uncomfortable. Let's face it---you're definitely ready to start seeing someone exclusive, even have a "boyfriend" of sorts, but it really does have to be with the right guy. Don't force it, dude---you are not feeling it with CG and that's okay. I'm glad for your own sake that you are so open-minded that you really do take time and consideration and try to give people a chance. But he's not cuttin' the mustard. The more time you're spending with him is time you're wasting meeting a potential Smiley who is SUPER into you (and they are out there, I am with one). Word?

jgo said...

Hey Red head,

Have you gotten at all intimate with your skinny dude yet? I havent yet with the girl im seeing so I guess that Im stressing that when I do, she will react just like CJ did :-(

Best Friend said...

Hey Y'all,

hey CJ!

Listen, if you're not attracted to Car Dude's body, then you're not attracted to him. It's best to leave him to someone who will like ALL of him. Because he will sense you're not into it, and that will hurt more.

As for Big Smile, listen, you live and you learn. No one knows what's going on with him, but after the sex, if he isn't still mystified and speechless and on you like a dog on a hydrant, make the call whether you're ok with someone who isn't like that. You seem to like affection and what not, so why settle for someone who is being distant, and so soon?

Eve said...

i could not have said it better than best friend myself. that was perfect advice. i say go on jdate and send out a couple more emails to some guys who interest you. bs is an idiot if he's not all over you, especially after the night you had...

Anonymous said...

"My head was as busy as my hands."

Now that's what I call poetically erotic!

red head said...

I hate to have side discussions on other people's blogs b/c I feel like it's disrespectful--so I'll just super quick reply to your q, J-Go: answer is yes, have gotten intimate a ton and it's awesome. However, he is not from this country, and is from a culture that does not happen to celebrate Nicole Richie as the standard of beauty, so I'm lucky there. Having said that, it's different for men---in this culture it IS ok for men to be bigger/stronger. In my eyes, more meaty=more manly, and more manly=...well you get the picture. Go for it and enjoy!!!!

Now back to topic and CJ I won't do that again--I totally agree with Best Friend. As we discussed the other night (which was so fun!), he's already giving you signals that are confusing. To me, that means he doesn't know to appreciate the GORGEOUS, hilarious, brilliant, fun CJ that I know and heart. Therefore he's just not even good enough for you in the first place. BF is right--he should be SWEATING you and saying "omg!" much like what has come to be commonplace as of late in the boudior of RH. ;) Anything less, meh... not worth ya time. You just plain deserve better.