Oh, blog reader people. I am confused. About more than you might imagine. It's not going how I'd like with either Car Guy or Big Smile. One is not affectionate or attentive enough. One is coming on too strong. One won't hug. The other won't get the hell off me.
I'll start with Big Smile. He didn't email or text yesterday, which is a horrible sign. Granted, I know it was going to be his busiest day at work all year, but he could have shot over an email at least, you would think. Sucks. He's the first guy since the FAF that I could imagine being exclusive with. So...really sucks.
As to Car Guy...oy. I think I have to end it. At least, I think I think I have to end it. As I expected, there was "alone time" on our third date. My head was as busy as my hands. First, I thought--yup, he's one of those. By which I mean the dudes who think kissing is sticking out your tongue and rolling it around endlessly. Do women like this? I don't. But the kissing got better. He responded to what I wanted, and soon it was just fine. As to the "other stuff," I gotta say, I was impressed. He's better at pleasuring a lady than most men--including Big Smile. So, yay for Car Guy. I started thinking--hey, maybe I'll keep this one around for a while. But then it was my turn, and I just...wasn't feeling it. I knew I wasn't going to sleep with him, but all of the sudden, I just wanted to stop altogether. I didn't want to be in that situation with him. We kind of did stop. But I'll keep the rest of the details to myself.
So...why? Was it because I'm turned off by Car Guy's body? Because, in truth, I think I am. I find his face very attractive. His bod not so much. He's big. He's sweaty. I don't like his feet. Or was it because my "heart," so to speak, is somewhere else? Maybe I can't be physical with two guys at once (and no not literally "at once"). I don't know. But my gut is saying that I don't want to keep seeing Car Guy.
This pretty much sucks. Because he's ready to have a relationship wtih me. Ready to plan trips. He's talking about us like we're at the start of something long-lasting. If this were Big Smile saying these things? I'd be thrilled to bits. But Car Guy saying them makes me feel uncomfortable.
So, for today, I am not a fan of dating. Today, I think dating is dooky. And the boy I like should like me back, and the boy I don't like as much should have slowed his ass down.
Thankfully, these low days are rare lately. I can't say I'll return to sunny Cute Jewess right away...especially if I don't hear from BS...but I can say that I hope to.