Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Just for the record, Smooch Boy asked me out for the same night I already had plans with Darky, and I told him I wasn't free. There, satisfied?

No, I joke, really. I get it. I get all your concerns about Darky, and about whether or not I'll wind up hurting him, because I'm worried about it too. So, as one does with things that worry her, I brought it up with Shrink.

"I just want to do the right thing," I told him.

Shrink: Let me get this straight. You're not sure how you feel about him. You're looking forward to seeing him. You enjoy spending time with him.
Me: Right. But I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want anything exclusive with him.
Shrink: Has he asked you to?
Me: No.
Shrink: Are you at the point where it's expected that you'll just spend your Saturday nights together?
Me: Oh, no.
Shrink: So why have a talk now? You're unsure, but if you tell him you don't want anything exclusive, then he might withdraw, and you won't get a chance to know him better. You won't be able to find out what you feel about it.
Me: So you don't think I have to tell him anything right now?
Shrink: No, I don't see why you would.
Me: Huh.

And, in fact, I get what he's saying. If I were in the reverse situation, I'd probably ask--hey, are you seeing other women? So then why is it my responsibility to bring it up?

So my pledge is to be honest with Darky. But as to my responsibility to inform him: "Hey, we've been on a few dates, but guess what? I go on dates with other dudes too"....well, I absolve myself of that. How do I even know that he's not dating other women? If I want to know that, then I should ask.

--Cute Jewess


jgo said...

I am confused... do you want to know if Darky is dating other girls or not?

Cute Jewess said...

At this point, i don't need to know.

Best Friend said...

Hi Everyone!

I'm confused too. You're just dating Darky (blech, what a nickname), right? so why the angst?
You just started dating! Enjoy dating around, it's a numbers game.

I think what people have been saying is that if you KNOW you're really and truly not that interested, then it's not that fair to continue on dates. You wouldn't want some punk to do that to you (like that asshat dude SmartAlec).

Eve said...

I agree with you and your shrink.

sophie said...

I can not believe that this is what the mental health profession does these days... gives common sense dating advice. I wonder if they go home and think.. wait.. I got an advanced degree for this?

acaligurl said...

good shrink advice.
being honest is good, it doesn't leave room for interpretation!!

Heather said...

and there ya have it! works for me! :) glad it works for you. Just need to go deeper right now. I agree with Shrinky Dink! ;)

Red Head said...

I agree with the shrink too. I also agree with Best Friend on the name... heh. Bygones.

It's true, it's pretty sexist IMHO to say you have to impart to him that you're dating around...when men are not expected to do the same. I really believe that the only time to bring that up is when you begin to develop feelings for the person that make you feel gross when imagining him with another woman. Usually tho, the dude brings it up first if he wants to be exclusive and we're off the hook.

Shorter way of saying it--I think you're doing everything right, especially if you're doing what feels natural to you, and not because it's what someone else advises.


P.S. Yay that Future Fling is back! I know you enjoyed him thoroughly, let's hope you can enjoy him more!!!