Monday, July 16, 2007

Oy. Yesterday I was feeling absolutely emotionally drained. I'd gotten plenty of sleep, and yet I was exhausted all day. I must have had about 5 cups of coffee, at least. It was that kind of bone tired, where all you want to do in the world is lie down. But other commitments wouldn't let me do that.

So yes, SmartAlec is still affecting me. I did today what I needed to do to get closure for myself. I hope the intensity of what I'm feeling fades very fast.

Darky continues to be lovely. Our next date will be this week. I don't know if going out with him is a good idea. Our last date was fun, I enjoy being with him, and I think he's cute, but he doesn't give me butterflies. I don't want to lead Darky on if there's not enough there, but I'll know more after this week, I think. He's planning something quite romantic. I will see how I feel about him afterwards.

For now, I'm still tired. Still drained. Still stunned. Still hurt. Still confused. But I still anticipate that I will feel better soon.

--Cute Jewess


Best Friend said...

hey everyone on the blog!

I gotta write lists to keep track of my thoughts. here goes:

1. WHO THE HELL IS SS? I need around here...

2. CJ, if you need a drink, or a walk around, let me know.

3. I don't trust easily. It's now instinctual for me. You trust easily, and you gotta follow your instincts. Just remember that trust is earned, and not given.I also have intimacy issues.

4. Just make sure you analyze why it is this type of man comes into your life - there is a pattern here, since everyone is bringing up SS...I need a refresher course.

I'm still here for a drink (this is a hint that I would like to go for a drink!) :)

Heather said...

Oy Vey-why can't you catch a break? I donno what happened, but this is insane. Where are you finding these boys who are emotionally unavailable? What kind of crap is that?? Why put yourself out there and date when you don't think you can-who does that? UGH! I'm feeling frustrated for you!
I hope you have a good time with Darky--see where it's headed, if you don't feel the connection, break lose-you don't need more heart ache! Good luck my friend!

Anonymous said...

This is going to get way too analytical... but I was trying to remember back to some research I had read that said that the strong feelings of love/infatuation/crush whatever that you sometimes feel require some level of uncertainty to exist and to be maintained - it helped explain why the 'sure bets' never make you feel quite as good.

Anyway. I'm not sure if this is it, but that great if occasionally unreliable font of all information, Wikipedia, had the following summary of a concept called "limerence" coined by some obscure psychologist, which seemed interesting. For the record, I don't think you fit the bill here - it doesn't look like you're forming a cognitive obsession.

Limerence has certain basic components:
- Intrusive thinking about the limerent object.
- Acute longing for reciprocation.
- Some fleeting and transient relief from unrequited limerence through vivid imagining of action by the limerent object that means reciprocation.
- Fear of rejection and unsettling shyness in the limerent object's presence.
- Intensification through adversity.
- Acute sensitivity to any act, thought, or condition that can be interpreted favorably, and an extraordinary ability to devise or invent "reasonable" explanations for why neutral actions are a sign of hidden passion in the limerent object.
- An aching in the chest or stomach when uncertainty is strong.
- Buoyancy (a feeling of walking on air) when reciprocation seems evident.
- A general intensity of feeling that leaves other concerns in the background.
- A remarkable ability to emphasize what is truly admirable in the limerent object and to avoid dwelling on the negative or render it into another positive attribute.

Cute Jewess said...

Anon, certainly the last four bullet points ring true, although I'm not too sure about the others. Interesting to think about!