Thursday, May 17, 2007

Hmmm. It's a cliche that sometimes the few can ruin things for the many. In this case, perhaps more accurately for the one. Meaning, me. I thought we had a deal. When it comes to SS, keep your assvice to yourself. Period. The vast majority of y'all were so good about this, and I would like to say how much I appreciate that.

But there were a couple who couldn't resist. And, as I foretold, reading their comments pissed me off. (They remain unpublished.)

I hate being pissed off. But I can't control what you write. I can only control what I write. Which means I may very well not write any more about SS, which is a shame indeed.

Just know that right now things are fine. We've got another plan to meet up. I'm satisfied with the situation.

What's most on my mind at this moment is that I'm fighting with my best friend, who for some reason seems determined to always think the worst of me lately. It's frustrating, and it feels unfair. In my head, I know many of her issues are just that--her issues. In my heart, though, I'm sad and angry about it.

So that's that.

Update: Best Friend called. I explained what made me upset. She listened and understood. Things are much, much better now, and I'm happy about that!

--Cute Jewess



Sorry to hear about your judgementalfriendissues CJ, that sucks... and is probably contributing to why the assvicers pissed you off so much.

I have someone in my own life who loves to think the worst of me...I believe it keeps them from having to look at themselves.

Kale Rae said...

there should be an option to disable comments on a preferred post. I have done it from time to time on my blog - because like you said, sometimes you just don't want to hear it, no matter what it is - you just want to write it out and get it out of your head. So - maybe that's something you should look into, just click "don't allow comments on this post"....

Anonymous said...

My guess is that the advice-giving comes off differently to the readers than it does to the recipient -- in this case, to CJ.

As a reader, it is interesting to get, for instance, the assorted viewpoints on pros/cons of the follow-up e-mail. To CJ, this can come off as pointing the finger or even as blame. "You did this wrong!" "It is your fault!" It is hard for her not to take it personally.

Plus, CJ knows all the details while the readers have just a few.

I had similar feelings as CJ when I asked a question on one blog because I wanted assorted viewpoints from religious male Jews. I mean, I don't know what they are thinking, so I asked! But some of the comments said things like: You should fall for older, divorced, less religious men with children.

So I understand her annoyance at this kind of clueless advice, well-meaning though it might be.

Anonymous said...

I'm real sorry if I was one of the ones who pissed you off. Honestly. Apologies offered genuinely.

Sometimes when reading these blogs, it starts to feel like one big community discussion, not just a real person's diary. The fact that it's a blog, makes it feel so open. Like a book that is evolving in front of you. So if any of my comments felt like judgment, totally not my intention. They were just generalized commentary.

I notice trends with the types of comments people leave. Especially amongst women. And sometimes it just feels like enabling, and sometimes it feels like hard judgment. It's hard to participate in these blogs without coming across as "something". And I imagine it's nearly impossible not to take it all personally.

Either way, I do respect what you're doing here. So, rock on.


Anonymous said...

God forbid anyone should disagree with you and voice an opinion...I guess all you want is a collective pat on the're extremely insecure.

Cute Jewess said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cute Jewess said...

Ah, perfect example. See, *that's* judgment. And I don't care about strangers (usually pussy anonymous ones) judging me as insecure, an idiot, egotistic, blah blah, blah. Eh, so what.

If you had read the post where I asked for no advice, you would see it's more about keeping my mind on the track I want it to be on. I overthink things a lot, and going forward with SS is something I want to do without any context. If your comment starts my mind down a path I don't want it to take, then that annoys me. As I explained in the "no advice" post, I'm reserving the right to be sensitive about SS right now.

Heather said...

glad things are better with you and BFF. :) IT's always better when that's cleared up.

As for the comments...delete away, you asked nicely and it's your blog, you should be respected.

Jeremy said...

Glad to read you and best friend could communicate and resolve. It's not always easy.

Some people are so in love with their opinions they feel you should be too!

To paraphrase another nice Jewish girl, Lesley Gore (pop singer with several hits in the early 60's just in case it is slightly before your time!), it's your blog and you can sigh (in exasperation) if you want to.

Molly said...

FYI, when someone judges you it can be postive or negative. From what I have read from you, you are only open to postive and react quite stongly to negative judgement. Understandable, but I would expect all kinds of comments from an open blog. Not everyone is going to agree with you. But if it makes you feel better to only post the comments from those who agree, than go for it, it is your blog.

acaligurl said...

do invite only!!!! a private blog.
i mean as long as you invite me.
hee hee

Anonymous said...

One of the things that I've valued about the whole blogging experience has been the feedback, good and bad that I've gotten. But at the same time, I've had to turn on comment moderation because of nasty stuff people have said- so its a double edged sword. That being said, having a friend being negative is really the worst.

Cute Jewess said...

Ah, but I've published the nasty comments. It's the ones with advice--or about advice--that I was asking to be held in the case of SS. It's not about delicate feelings--it's about not wanting context.

But I don't think I'm being understood on this point. Meh, doesn't really matter. My blog!