Thursday, May 03, 2007

First thing this morning, I got a call from Hottie2. I've got to say--I'm pretty proud of how I handled the whole Hottie2 situation. But more on that in a moment. First, let's travel back--to a time when I would have handled the situation much differently.

I was not a cute teenager. For real. I grew up hating the way I looked--so much so that when I walked down the street, I'd look down at the sidewalk. When I saw a cute guy, I'd turn around. Because maybe he'd find me attractive from the back. Needless to say, I didn't date.

But things changed. My skin finally cleared all lovely and smooth. I learned what to do with my hair. I grew into my features. By the time I got to college, I wasn't half bad. I gained confidence, but the former me--the one who hated the mirror so much--wasn't yet so far behind.

Enter my first boyfriend. Oh, he was a catch. I remember looking at him and not quite believing that someone so attractive, so smart, so cool--yes, he was definitely one of the "cool kids" (and well, by that time, so was I)--was my boyfriend. When I was with him, I felt just giddy. But soon...he started acting less than considerate. See, First Boyfriend had a tremendous talent. He was an amazing apologizer. His reasons always made sense, and he always berated himself endlessly. He apologized with humor, with sincerity, with regret. Trust me--you wound up feeling bad for him. So, when we made plans, most of the time he just wouldn't show up. By the way? This included my birthday dinner. But almost every time, despite having absolutely despaired over his absense, I'd just let it slide. What a good girlfriend I was being, I thought. See how cool I am? Won't he want to stay with the girl who forgives him when he f*cks up?

First Boyfriend broke up with me and broke my heart.

Fast forward many years. Hottie2 made me think of First Boyfriend. The old me? Would have let him cancel on me three times without standing up for myself. The first two times, he had good reasons, and he was very apologetic. The third time? Canceled last minute. By text. I did not respond.

The next day (yesterday) he texted again, "Free tomorrow?" I did not respond.

This morning, he called. I picked up. "Are you free tonight?" I replied, "I'm busy." Tomorrow night? Busy. This weekend? Busy.

There was a pause. Then he started apologizing. It was work stuff, he knows he was awful, blah blah blah. I accepted the apology. "So are you free tonight?" he asked. "Nope, I said. Busy. But I might be free next week. You can't cancel."

He said he knew. But that I could cancel, of course, if need be.

Don't get me wrong--I'm still wary of this one. But with busy lives, things do happen. I am not unreasonable. He gets one more chance.

I'm just really glad that I let him know it's not okay to treat me inconsiderately. Maybe you think it's the obvious thing to have told him. But the old me? Probably wouldn't have done it. A small step--but one I'm proud to have taken.

--Cute Jewess


Sanani said...

Oh, dear. It's great that you're able to stand up for yourself but I still don't like H2. He's bad news. Repeat after me: YOU WILL NOT CHANGE HIM. A guy who cancels three times, including once by text, knows exactly what he is doing and does not care BECAUSE OTHER WOMEN WILL PUT UP WITH IT FROM HIM. He will do it to you again in the future, as soon as he gets a chance. He may even do it before your first date, knowing he's wasting his last chance, just to show you who's boss. Do yourself a favor and cancel on him.

Cute Jewess said...

Point taken, but that's not me. I don't play power games. Why change the way I prefer to act over some dude? I like being considerate.

He's on a short leash. I know what he's capable of. And hey--I may wind up not even liking him. I've always been a "benefit of the doubt" person.

*One* more chance.

Tbone said...

Hmmm, I think maybe give him one more shot if you think something can come out of more...and that's can easily find a man who calls not texts and does not cancel last minute...remember YOU are a confident, attractive gal!

acaligurl said...

beautful!!! great post!!! you are behaving like a girl with a good head on her shoulders!!! nice!!! he'll be all over you now.
re: about the apologizer, isn't that the truth? that is what they are good at? i wish you could publish (besides here) that paragraph for other gals dealing with the apologizers of the world.
turned on the tv, and there was lizzie and mr darcy walking towards each other...*sigh* ah they finally admit their feelings.

Loverville said...

Well written -- and I have a very hard time imagining a point when CJ wasn't cute!

I think you handled this well -- just remain skeptical!

Heather said...

good for you! :) Definitely an esteem booster! and maybe you just won't have time next week...or give him one chance and see if there's any chemistry and how his personality measures up.

either way, good luck! ;)

Single Girl said...

Yay for progress and self-esteem!!! I agree, give him one more chance and that's it! You're so smart!


Well handled girlfriend!

Anonymous said...

your first boyfriend sound exactly like what i went thru last year. he was the first guy i'd been with in years and had a lot of the same insecurities.

Jody said...

Good for you to put Hottie2 in his place. You're awfully kind to give him *one* more chance; I would have kicked him to the curb!

Anonymous said...

I'm with Jasmine... well handled. Men can be tough but I'm impressed by your strength.

Molly said...

Wow, I have missed a lot! I did not know you were back. So, I know I have said this in the past, but my advice to you is to let the guys do the pursuing. I have seen a pattern here where you like the guy and are always following up via email, text ,or whatever. I must have missed what happened to the one guy that you were really into and he really liked you but even that one, you were doing the follow up. If a guy is truly interested in you, he will call you. Things have not changed that much in the dating world since I was out there, the bottom line is the same, if a guy likes you he will continue to call and ask you out. Welcome back and good luck!!