Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Guess what? On the same day that BCD dumped me, SS let me know that he doesn't think we should see each other any more.

Nice, huh?

Luckily, it's Shrink day. And yes, he made me feel better. All these guys not working out, I told him. Surely some of it has to be me? He dismissed that straight out with SS. He likes you, Shrink told me. He's just very troubled. With BCD? Shrink was as confused as I was. But I had told him that BCD and I were very different in many ways, we had different interests, and maybe even different goals. When all's said and done, we were probably not a perfect match. So why wouldn't BCD think this too, Shrink asked?

When Shrink tells me things, I listen. Even if it's the same stuff my friends tell me. Why? Maybe because I see him as an authority figure. Or an expert. Or because hey, I should get my money's worth. But whatever the reason, when he talks, I listen. And I'm glad I do.

Shrink thinks (hee, rhyme) that I tend to overlook or forgive the faults in others while being particularly hard on myself. That I think everything is my fault. That I should let more things roll off my shoulders. BCD doesn't want to see me anymore? While I'm saying--"What did I do?" Shrink's saying "Fuck 'im."

So here it starts. Project Roll Off My Shoulders. Shrink says I should think of this whole dating thing as an adventure. Have more fun with it. And so that's what I'm going to try to do.

When I get really upset, I can't eat. My stomach closes up. Today, I'm indulging in comfort food. Peanut Butter Tofutti Cuties, a Newman's Own chocolate bar (it was just eh), and my all time favorite frozen dinner. Oh, it's so yummy. California Pizza Kitchen BBQ Chicken frozen pizza.

So no, I'm not profoundly upset. Just a bump in the road. But man, can the road please have a destination somewhere?

--Cute Jewess


Anonymous said...

Can I just tell you something that may or may not make you feel better? There are tons of Jewish single girls out there writing blogs about being Jewish and single. And... I like yours the best. I don't know why. Something about your tone, your honesty, your willingness to not write pretty all the time... It just feels like you're offering something, rather than trying to "sound like" something.

People always tell single people to have more fun with dating. That's like telling a teenager this is the best time of their lives. All that's retrospect, baby. In the meantime, I think it's more like a wait-and-be-patient game. All you gotta do is hang in there.

It's much cooler that you're the kind of girl who likes to see the best in others, and likes to get serious with someone nice who comes along. If anything, I bet some of those boys realized they can't f*ck around with you, because you're the real deal. And for whatever reason, they can't handle it. But the right guy... he's gonna eat it up. :-)


Cute Jewess said...

Thanks, belle. That's really sweet of you to say!

Single Girl said...

I'm the same way when it comes to my shrink. When she tells me things, I listen. I don't need to question the situation further. When it comes down to it, they hear this stuff all day and they know people and how people's minds work, so why shouldn't I listen? Especially when a lot of my girl friends have screwed up love lives themselves, why shouldn't I listen to my shrink?! I always feel great when I leave my shrink's office, I don't know what it is, I just feel good about things and empowered in a way. I don't understand why more people don't go to shrinks!

I agree with what your shrink said, I used to do the same - be really hard on myself without letting myself see other people's faults. Since I've stopped doing that, life is much easier to enjoy since I'm not constantly analyzing every move I made and how I could have done it better, even if it was the best I could do. After my big health scare at the end of last year, I realized that I needed to live my life so that when I'm 100 years old, I could look back and see that I wouldn't have done anything different instead of looking back and wishing that I didn't spend so much time worrying and overthinking things.

Don't mean to come off as preachy either, but I totally understand what you're going through. And this isn't to say that I still don't have my own issues, I definitely do, but that's why I go to my shrink!

Eve said...

i agree with belle completely. i also sympathize with your plight, as i'm right there with you, being jewish and single and all of it, lol (i just don't keep a blog). we are all just doing our best to enjoy the ride. worst case scenario, you get a good story out of it to tell your friends, right? that's the way i try to think of it, when the guys disappoint me, haha. i'm just doing it for the story...

Single Girl said...

Oh yeah, and I agree with belle that your writing is refreshing, I really don't like reading blogs where the writer is trying to write "pretty" and poetically, it bores me. I almost feel like we're having an e-mail conversation when I read your blog.

Loverville said...

As we know, there's just no reasoning why we *click* with some people, and not with others.

I'm sure we've all been on dates with perfectly nice guys who, for some reason, we didn't feel attracted to. The inverse applies as well -- I'm sure both these guys thought you were a lovely person. But if "IT" isn't there? You just can't force it.

Yeah, it's a numbers game. Keep on keepin' on!

And enjoy that pizza -- sounds gooood!

a&v said...

Wha'?! Even from my limited perspective (we readers only get to see a snippet, after all) I didn't see the SS au revoir coming. Your shrink is wise--makes me want to find a wise shrink of my own!

acaligurl said...

i don't always agree with the shrink people but i like this guys advice about the dating being like and adventure.
pizza & chocolate? YUM

Jenn said...

as a jewish girl who always felt like the token single friend, i have to recommend a fantastic book that made me look at things differently and in a more positive light. sure, maybe it was the timing in my life that made it have such an impact on me, but maybe it will help with Project "roll of your shoulders"? It's called "Eat Pray Love" - give it a try.

Heather said...

I'm sorry to hear about this turn of events. But, your road is definitely leading you somewhere and I truly believe everything happens for a reason! You should be giving yourself credit for even getting out there and dating the way that you are. It's amazing to me how you and others do that! You will meet your someone...just give yourself time. I also think that a big part of you is still healing from FAF. That's a lot of history to carry around with you, and you had a comfort with him that is going to take you a long time to find with someone else! Be patient...and any guy worth it, will be patient with you too.

e.b. said...

Oh what a craptastic day. But Shrink seems smart and problably knows what he is talking about. Now what I'm talking about is how good the CPK pizza is. Nice choice in the comfort food!

jgo said...

CJ - Sorry to hear about SS. I too would agree with shrink and everyone here that it probably had nothing to do with anything you did. Just have fun and enjoy the dating ride.

Question for the readers: If two people have different professional goals, can a relationship work?

Kale Rae said...

Sorry to hear this - as fun as dating can be it can be frustrating and a real kick in the butt for a person's confidence.

The Shrink is right, I am sure there are plenty of good guys contacting you via Jdate that you just don't feel it for - and it isn't any big reason it just isn't there - so that's probably what it is...try not to think about it too much and just chalk it up to their loss.