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Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Questions of the day:

Will SS cancel our date tonight?
Will I wind up sleeping with SS tonight? (By the way, I highly doubt it.)

But in the unlikely event that this happens...well, he would be the first guy since the Former Almost Fiance. And...um...the "safety nets" in my apartment were bought by the FAF. They are "Large." Would this be intimidating for a guy to see? Like, will he think he has to measure up? I mean, it's not like they're "Extra Large" or "Jumbotron" or however these things are sized. Is there a "Humongo?"

Really and truly, I can't imagine there will be any need for them tonight. But it just got me thinking. And kind of chuckling.

--Cute Jewess

21 comments:

jgo said...

He better not cancel on you! If he does it last minute then he doesnt have basic human courtesy and you should cut ties. Doesnt matter what direction your relationship is heading in.

As for the condoms, why not pick up some normal ones just in case. That way you dont have to show him the big ones if you end up doing that sorta thing.

MARFSBABY said...

Is SS Jewish? If he his, I hear the shmeckle's are the bomb and "large" safety nets would definately be in order.

But maybe you'll just be doing a little patschkieing and won't need them...

Cute Jewess said...

He is Jewish. And that is really funny.

Anonymous said...

As a jewish girl, I have never heard that about the jewish guys - in fact, I think the stereotype is just the opposite...Maybe you've been lucky:)

Sanani said...

I'm a Jewish guy and, well... it's true. My goy ex calls us "the blacks of the Mediterranean world." :-) But I'm on the big side, and I *still* worry about measuring up, so definitely buy some regulars just in case. And don't keep them in the same drawer!

What about the expiration date on your large ones, anyway? Seems like it's been a long time since the FAF.

nef said...

Well, as a felllow who is averagely endowed I would say that it would be pretty funny if I was really comfortable with the girl, (i.e. we were long time friends moving to a different level) but a bit embarrassing probably if we hadn't known each other all that long. (This case.) However, if I thought they might be needed, I would be prepared myself, so probably no need to buy more.

jgo said...

I wouldnt trust a condom being carried around by anyone. So if they go to do the deed at CJ's place, then they shouldnt use a condom carried around by SS, especially a wallet condom!

Kate said...

lmao. it got me chuckling too. and wishing i had the problem of questioning whether the condom would fit.

Cute Jewess said...

Ha. I love this. Every time I get a message in my inbox, I think it's going to be SS canceling. But instead it's talk of Jewish penises and condoms.

Hilarious.

see a lot... said...

slutty jewish girl here- in my vast experience, most jewish guys do seem to be larger than average as compared to the specs we often read regarding "average" size. That being said... It may be the average falls to 5.5 due to the few really really little guys. Then again, the biggest one I've ever seen on a white man was a non-jew and he was large enough to throw the whole mean/median proportion out of whack. :-)
Get the regular size ones. Keep em in a differnt drawer. Don't let him know you even have the large ones. No need go down that route at this point.

jeremy said...

I think the sizes are - what's the point, but I am fully erect, that will do nicely, kowabunga, OMG!! and finally I am not Catherine the Great

bailey said...

having recently had my first long-term intimate relationship with a magnum-wearer (not jewish),--they are handy to have around if need be, but also not trustworthy for someone who can't fill them out.

by the way,--the magnum-wearer was horrifically uncomfortable (and I was nervous it would pop from the excessive stretch) in a regular-size safety net...

Loverville said...

Safety net -- love that expression, can't believe I haven't heard that before!

Most of the guys I've slept with have been Jewish, and have ranged from "eh" to "heelllloooooo there, Steven Schwartz/Epstein/Cohen/ (insert favorite Jewish name here)"

acaligurl said...

hope it fits.

Anonymous said...

To all the Jewish girls: do you really care how big it is?

Cute Jewess said...

I mean obviously it's not the most important thing, but I've had both too small (not good) and too big (not good either.) (Also, both those guys weren't Jewish.) There's a happy medium, I think. So do I care? I wouldn't say I *don't* care. I've found it more satisfying when the unit's not too small.

Heather said...

ROFL. I've only seen one Jewish penis...and a couple of non jewish penis' and well, my hubby (yes the Jewish one)wins by FAR!!! I am definitely satisfied lol

Good luck CJ, with whatever your penis future holds! hehe

Anonymous said...

How small was too small Cuew Jewess? Dont women prefer to be satisfied by good oral sex over intercourse anyway?

Cute Jewess said...

Oh, I dunno. I didn't measure him--but it was shockingly small. I can't speak for all women, but so far no guy--even the ones who think they're so skilled--have particularly wowed me in the oral department. Again, I can't speak for all womenfolk. I happen to prefer a good 6, 7 inches. But if there were phenomenal skills in other areas, I might have to reconsider.

But I mean, let's say I find out SS is rocking a 5-incher. Will that make him less attractive to me? Probably not. I think it'd be just fine.

And that's all for today's installment of "Too Much Information," by Cute Jewess.

Anonymous said...

Haha ... shockingly small. Did you actually have sex with SS (Shockingly Small, not Sexy Smart)?

Anonymous said...

The one Jewish guy I dated had quite the impressive asset ;)